You are awesome.
And what’s-his-face that you dated way back when certainly didn’t deserve to call you his woman.
Sure, you’re going to have to sift through the weeds before you find the flower when it comes to landing the perfect guy, which can be a real challenge. But accepting second best — or worse — is not the answer.
If any of the following apply to you and your past relationship with you-know-who, then he was definitely a weed that didn’t deserve you.
1. You were too loyal for his wandering eye.
Some guys just don’t get it. When they’re with their woman, she should be the only girl in the world in his eyes. But lots of (dumb) men forget the trophy they have beside them, and let their hungry eyes check out every other skirt that walks by.
Meanwhile, you were loyal and committed, and always had eyes just for him. You can say no to that guy with the 6-pack because you have self-control. It wasn’t a two-way street in this department, which is a solid reason why your ex never deserved you. If he full-out cheated on you, then he doesn’t even deserve to be the dirt you walk on.
2. You were family-oriented, and he was not.
Family is a huge deal when it comes to relationships. If you’re not both on the same page about it, that’s a definite deal-breaker. If you’re the family type who loves big gatherings with your relatives, but he can’t even muster a monthly phone call to his Mom, it’s just not the right match.
3. He thought he was superior.
Whether he thinks he’s living in the 1800’s, or is completely delusional, thinking that he’s superior to you is completely unforgivable. Women are beautiful and strong, and that includes you, sister. Women matter, and their opinions and needs are just as important as anyone else’s — including that male chauvinist pig’s that you now call your ex.
4. He downplayed your aspirations.
Everyone’s got a dream or a goal in life, and that means something. Aspirations are often what get people through the day. To have someone quash them is heartbreaking and completely demoralizing. If your ex spent his energy making fun of your goals instead of supporting them, he’s certainly better off at the curb.
5. It was all about him.
Honey, second fiddle is not an instrument you were ever meant to play. If your ex was completely self-absorbed to the point that it took over every aspect of your relationship, it’s a good thing he’s a figure of the past.
6. You were honest . . . but he was not.
You were always truthful with your (ex) man, but he just couldn’t return the favor. Lying once and getting caught in it is one thing. Repetitive fibbing is downright criminal, and it’s something that no self-respecting woman should ever have to put up with.
Either the guy was just too much of a wimp to man up to his real feelings, or he’s just a slime-ball. Either way, you’re better off with someone who you know is being truthful with you at all times.
7. You were the one putting in all the work.
Relationships are tough. You know that and so does everyone else who’s ever been in one. Being in one with someone means putting in a lot of effort to make things work. No one is the same, and no one should expect others to think the exact same way.
If there was a serious imbalance in the amount of work he was putting in to make the relationship work versus what your efforts were, then he was obviously not as invested as he should have been.
8. He berated you in front of other people to look cool.
You’re an amazing woman, so for your ex — or anyone else for that matter — to put you down in front of his buddies just to make him look cool is totally ludicrous. Maybe he took a jab at your family, friends or job. Regardless of whether he drove a forklift or was a budding financial analyst, it’s not okay. Obviously, the guy knew how far up there you were (and still are), and had to chisel away at you just so he could reach your level. But his insecurities are no justification for berating you, especially in the company of other people. He’s your ex for a good reason.
9. You had your shit together, and he still acted like he was in high school.
You’ve got your career in gear, and are as independent as they come. Yet joe-blow was still borrowing his Mom’s car to pick you up, and could barely even hold down a part-time job. He was holding you back, and now that you’re free of him, you can step back and see that he was nothing but a ball and chain on your life.
10. His friends always came first.
Every guy needs time alone with his buddies. The same goes for women. Everyone needs time apart in order to foster healthy relationships — it’s just human nature. If his friends came before you pretty much all of the time, then maybe it’s a good thing they were around to console him after you dumped his sorry butt.
11. He had a fear of commitment.
It’s a pretty common phobia among men: commitment. Lots of men want to have their cake and eat it too. They like the idea of having access to a booty call whenever they feel the need arise, but are nowhere near ready to fully commit to the relationship. Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t want to commit their time and emotions to you as you are ready and willing to do for them.
12. You always felt like your life was headed nowhere when you were with him.
Not a good sign by a long shot. When you’re with a person who’s supportive, loving and makes you feel like a queen on a throne, you’re likely to feel as if life has meaning and purpose. If you were always left confused about your direction in life, he was the wrong guy for you.
13. Being with him was just plain-old boring.
You’re a smart, vibrant woman who craves some excitement and healthy challenges in life. It’s what gets you going, and keeps you emotionally charged. But being with your ex only did the opposite — whether it was his less-than-stellar personality, or he just didn’t have the oomph that you need in a man, the relationship was stale because of it.
14. He was abusive.
This last one needs no further explanation. Period.
The bottom line is that you’re worth so much more than what some what’s-his-face has said about you or how he made you feel. Remember to give yourself some love this Valentine’s Day. And if you get that 2 a.m. “I miss you” text this Valentine’s Day, here is your answer.