Three women outdoors at a party with champagne smiling

Thinking about leaving your 20s and entering the scary age bracket that is your 30s is kind of terrifying. But as you start to get older, you change. And with those changes, your wants and needs become more in line with people in their 30s anyway. Basically, by the time you turn 29, you will be so 30, even though you won’t actually be 30 yet.

Here are 15 things that will happen to you as you approach 30.

~get ready, it’s almost here~


1. Your bed time becomes that of a 10 year old.


“Mom, do I have to go to bed?” “Yes!” “Oh, thank god!”

9 PM rolls around and you’re in bed, in over-sized sweats with a giant smile on your freshly washed face. No TV show, date or text message is getting your granny panties out of bed. But, hey, theres no shame in your bed time game, you share it proudly with your friends and co-workers. “Oh, did you watch the new episode of Sons of Anarchy last night?” “Nah, I was in bed at 8:58 PM, two minutes ahead of schedule and it was AH-mazing!”


2. Your can’t remember when your last Thirsty Thursday was.


Remember when Thursday was your very favorite night of the week? Cheap beers, sweaty dance parties and F21 tank tops galore. Those days are over. But back to point 1, Thursdays are now best spent with your beau Netflix, a giant sweatshirt and your 500-thread count sheets.


3. Wine becomes your best friend.


It’s there for you morning, noon and night. It always makes you laugh and makes sure you are always the center of attention. It will always watch a movie with you, keep you warm at night and love you unconditionally. You will always have your favorite, aka Sauvignon Blanc, but there are always new friends to be made, like Red, Pink and Sparkling.


4. You start to really, really like home decor.


Rugs, vases, pillows, blankets, oh my! Wall art, holiday decorations, and don’t forget candles, you can’t possibly ever have enough candles. You know the exact locations of the nearest Home Goods, Target, West Elm and Pier 1. Justifying spending your hard earned check on candle votives is way easier than the Michael Kors leather jacket you’ve been eyeballing at Nordstroms. However, you find yourself hiding your goodie bags in the trunk of your car until your boyfriend, fiance, husband or mother go to bed because explaining why you purchased 20 matching flower votives is proving to be a tough feat these days.


5. You post more throwback pictures than recent pictures.


Ah, the younger years, when you were thinner and prettier. You love reliving your college glory days every Thursday and Friday because lets be honest the only other pictures on your iPhone are of yourself in poor bathroom lighting, lats weeks lunch, and Pinterest screenshots. God Bless throwbacks.


6. You genuinely enjoy going to  Trader Joe’s.


Waking up on a Saturday morning knowing you get to gallivant down the aisles of your local TJ’s, PSL in hand, is the highlight of your weekend. Fresh veggies, free-range chicken, cookie butter and wine. What more can an almost 30-year girl ask for?


7. Weddings and Babies.


Everyone you know is engaged, married, divorced, expecting or parents. Your Facebook News Feed is a constant stream of babies, bellies, bachelorettes, and brides, yet you still find yourself signing into your Facebook app at least 10 times a day. As much as you say it drives you nuts you still obsess over the bad bridal hair, pumpkin patch babies, and financed diamonds.


8. You (still) love young adult books.


The Hunger Games, The Fault In Our Stars, Divergent, you read them all in less than 24 hours and the Barnes and Noble sales associates know you by name. You dissect the movies because the characters and scenery aren’t exactly how you pictured them in your almost 30 brain. However, you are a huge Jennifer Lawrence fan. She’s just so damn cool.


9. Coffee becomes your lifeline, even more than before.


An almost 30-year old could never have enough coffee. Yes, you go to bed by 9 PM but the 9-5 grind has you craving Jo at least three times a day. Sometimes you like it black and bitter and other times you like it sweet and creamy. Lattes, espressos, iced, you name it, you love it. You embrace the coffee jitters and the speech impediments.


10. You strategically plan your vacation time.


With countless weddings, bachelorettes and showers to attend, you schedule your vacation time months in advance. Lets not forget the mid week TV binge days that are absolutely crucial to keeping your almost 30-year old sanity. Nothing screams vacation like Game of Thrones with your old friends Ben & Jerry. You always feel guilty typing the “I won’t be coming in today” work email but it must be done, Khaleesi must never be kept waiting.


11. You can’t believe that there is a NOW: Volume 1 million because you owned the NOW: Volume 1 CD.


Mmm Bop.


12. You rule at Nickeloden Trivia.


Banging on a trashcan, drumming on a streetlight..


13. You constantly manage to work old Disney movies in your current conversations.


You were a huge Disney movie fan. Brink, House Mom, Johnny Tsunami, Motocrossed, Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century, you’ve seen them all a dozen times.


14. Halloween is more like Homily-ween.


Halloween has strayed far from Naughty Nurse and Sexy Sailor in a seamen stained club to David Bowie circa The Labrinyth and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego in your friend’s two-bedroom adorably decorated condo.


15. Your love for wine grows stronger every day.


Mmmm, wine.




Erin Jean is a Boston based smart mouth who lives in suburbia with her kick-ass husband, yes you read that correctly, I'm a married woman, people! She graduated from Endicott College in 2010 with a degree in Contemporary Journalism. She loves tattoos, writing, and slush (it’s an addiction people). When she is not working for the man, she is riding on the back of motorcycles, online shopping, and reminiscing about her younger years. A typical week consists of watching too much Bad Girls Club, mentally preparing for a zombie apocalypse, and trying to get a body like Mila Kunis (please insert laughter here). Feel free to stalk her life via pictures @mrsbadnews13 or on twitter @erinlissa

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