1. You’re not drinking alone if your dog is home.
2. Ugh, do I really have to go? I would much rather stay home, look like shit, and drink wine.
3. I need liquor to tolerate you.
4. This bottle doesn’t have a suggested service size printed on the label. So, I’m just going to assume it’s one serving.
5. How much whine would a wine drinker whine if a wine drinker couldn’t drink wine – say that three times fast!
6. Coffee keeps me busy until it’s acceptable to drink.
7. I deserve an alco-holiday.
8. The only thing I throwback on a Thursday is a glass of wine.
9. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy alcohol. And that’s the same.
10. I don’t need to unwind, I need to uncork.
11. It’s not good to keep things bottled up anyway.
12. “Drink responsibly” just means don’t spill it.
13. Hard times call for hard liquor.
14. I can’t wait to get home and pour myself some dinner.
15. It’s just not fun being sober.