1. The very first thing you do in the morning is make your pot of coffee. Before showering, teeth brushing, or contacts.
2. You cannot walk by a Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts without stopping for a pick-me-up.
3. You often refer to your coffee as “lifeblood.”
4. Functioning before coffee is like going to work without shoes. In fact, without coffee, you probably would go to work without shoes.
5. You feel a moment of absolute ecstasy when the first sip of coffee each day reaches the depths of your soul.
6. If coffee doesn’t happen before lunch for some obscene reason, a massive migraine headache explodes.
6. You’ve tried to quit before, but felt like a crackhead going through withdrawal.
7. Your local coffee joint knows you by name and every employee there has your double-shot skinny mocha soy latte order memorized.
8. You know there is a time and place for decaf coffee: never and in the trash.
9. Keeping more than one bag of coffee and more than one flavor of creamer in your house is not excessive; it’s imperative.
10. Creamer versus Milk is a legitimate debate between you and your coworkers.
11. People who drink iced coffee in the dead of winter don’t faze you.
12. “Small” sized coffee is a joke.
13. Money is not an object when it comes to your coffee.
14. Coffee breath is real, but you honestly DGAF.
15. You know by heart all of the health benefits of coffee.
16. And blatantly ignore all of the nonsense being spread around about the effects of “excessive coffee consumption.” What is that? NOT REAL, that’s what.
17. You can identify the exact moment when the coffee dissipates from your bloodstream.
18. Seasonal Starbucks flavors are like gifts from the coffee gods. Peppermint Mochas & PSL
19. You know all about double brewing your coffee for extra strength.
20. All in all, you know that you owe your life to coffee beans and baristas.
Because really…
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