March means one thing and one thing only: Spring fucking Break.

College kids come out of the woodwork and begin to take over airports, boarding flights to the Bahamas, Mexico, Florida, the Dominican, etc. Anywhere with warm weather and an ocean becomes a hot spot for these sun hungry alcoholics. And any decently priced hotel (not too expensive, but not too cheap – you know, the ones our parents can afford to send us to while still knowing that we’re safe) turn into MTV Spring Break. Yes, it’s exactly like what you saw on TV.

Senior year of college, I went on my first Spring Break to the Bahamas with 10 guys and 3 other girls. It was awesome. Like any other stereotypical college student, I didn’t pay for it. Free vacation – check. And like any other stereotypical college student, I got extremely drunk, extremely sun burnt, extremely sick, and still had a mother fucking blast.

After I got home from my week in paradise, I swore I would do it again. Go away with friends. Drink frozen drinks by and in the pool all day long. Go out to sketchy clubs. Get sick from the all-inclusive buffet and too many frozen drinks and not make it out 2 of the nights – okay maybe not that – but I swore it would happen again.

Did it? No.

After I graduated I started working (well, it took a few months, but I eventually started working). And when March rolled around, the whole ‘work’ thing made it nearly impossible for Spring Break to happen. Like, how do you expect me to go on Spring Break with all my friends if we all have different work schedules and you only give me like 10 vacation days? Huh? HUH?

Not to mention, I didn’t exactly have the money for it. I wasn’t a stereotypical college student anymore. My parents wouldn’t pay for it. Neither would my grandparents. And the same went for my friends. We were doomed.

Now, I am experiencing my 2nd March out of college. I have money to go on Spring Break, but the last thing I should be doing is spending it… So I’m not. Instead I will be working through the entire month of March looking forward to nothing except Summer weekends when I’m not on-call.

In addition to being depressed from having all work and no play, I will have to watch my 18 year-old brother head to the Bahamas to participate in the crazy college festivities… when he’s not even in college yet. He will be living the college dream that I was living 2 years ago… and he’s still in high school. #Unfair.

So how are we supposed to handle Spring Break? We aren’t. It no longer exists. I should have embraced it much more when in college because, honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever participate in Spring Break fun again. I think I’m getting, like, a little too old for it. No one wants to be that pedophile on the beach. Or those MILFs in bikinis that shouldn’t be in bikinis, drinking drinks they shouldn’t be drinking, with wrinkly skin. Gross. And by the time my friends and I have the time and money to invest on such a trip, we will be those people.

If you’re still in college and you are reading this, please, please embrace your Spring Break. Go on vacation. Don’t waste your break sitting home working (at least not when you’re a senior). And if you can’t go on a tropical vacation, and you have to work, at least hang out and visit friends. Don’t work too much. Embrace your youth. Soon enough you won’t have ‘spring break’ and ‘april vacation’ and ‘Christmas break.’ You’ll be working forever with no breaks. Sounds horrible. And it is!!!

But don’t worry. Work life isn’t ALL that bad. You get to make money. And one day, you will appreciate relaxing more than intense raging… but for now, keep on raging intensely. And when you get to go on vacation, you won’t have the need to Spring Break it. You’ll have the need to sit back, drink a cocktail, and be thankful that you aren’t at work.

So… Spring Break, it’s been real. You were a lot of fun… You made for some pretty hilarious times… And you gave me a killer sunburn. And just like college, I’d give anything to have you back.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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