You might be thinking ‘WTF. Having straight hair is anything but a struggle,’ and if you are are, you’re right. Having straight hair is easy. It’s actually TOO easy. But that is my point.
A few weeks ago, I went to my hair salon with dreams of looking trendy and different with some fierce new ‘do. However, I was quickly reminded that my hair does not do fun, so I got the same haircut I always get and moved on. My hair dreams were crushed yet again when I got my hair done for a wedding a few weeks later. I showed the stylist a bunch of pictures from Pinterest and she was immediately like… nope. She said I didn’t have enough hair to snag the looks I wanted. Sigh.
Basically, I’ve got the curse of naturally straight hair. Boring, lifeless, and dull hair.
So although I love not having to use a straightener and being able to go to work with wet hair and letting that shit majestically air dry from the warmth of my office (joke – my office is very cold), having straight hair can be a cold hard bitch sometimes.
Here are 20 serious struggles of having straight hair.
1. It has zero volume. No matter what you do, no matter how much volumizing shampoo and moose and gel you use, your hair will always be stuck to your head.
2. Everyone yells at you for playing with your hair all the time. I personally have a bad habit of making a mustache with my hair and stroking my face with it. It’s just so silky smooth and nice, I can’t help it. (Sorry mom)
3. The minute you touch it, it turns into a giant grease pit. But, like I said, you can’t stop touching it. IT FEELS GLORIOUS.
4. It is pretty much always greasy. No matter how much you touch it, which is actually all the time, your hair gets real greasy real fast. You basically have to shower every 30 minutes to avoid having greasy hair. It’s not okay.
5. When people suggest you shower and not wash your hair to expedite the getting ready process, you get pissed. You have to wash your hair when you shower, and then you have to DO your hair. WHAT IS THE POINT OF SHOWERING IF YOU DON’T WASH YOUR HAIR? YOU DON’T GET IT.
6. Because you always have to wash your hair, showering is always a process and it is always THE WORST. You have to wash your hair… and then brush out the knots… and then blow dry it. OR you can just not blow dry it and let it air dry, but then you will be pissed because it will look (AND FEEL) like frizzy shit to you all day, even though it will look straight to everyone else. The struggle is very much real.
7. Until you do shower, your hair MUST remain in a ponytail. And once that mane goes up in a ponytail, she ain’t coming out. The pony crease is real. (Side note: Ariana Grande must have a permanent pony crease in her hair) (I will also add: If you ever see me wearing my hair up, it’s probably because I haven’t showered yet) (Also: Ariana Grande must really hate showering)
8. Having to wear a headband whenever you have your hair in a ponytail because there are strands of random short hairs sticking out and annoying you all over. This is especially annoying when you’re working out. And when the headbands don’t work. But this doesn’t stop you from buying out the stretchy solid colored headbands from CVS.
9. The headband crease. Something worse? When you’ve got the headband crease AND the ponytail crease. That’s why you know when the hair goes up, it’s staying up… until you take the plunge and explore the dreaded shower again of course.
10. Watching the vast majority of your hair fall out in the shower. Especially after you’ve curled your hair with an obscene amount of hairspray. Your hair is just too thin to stay put. RIP.
11. Your hair doesn’t stay curled. No matter how long you spend curling your hair or how much hairspray you whip on those luscious locks, they refuse to stay curled. That’s why you are a fan of taking pictures earlier in the night. You know that 10 minutes into being sweaty at a crowded bar, your hair is going to turn to mush. Gross.
12. Not being able to do any fancy blow-dry bars without the hairdo falling out after fifteen minutes max. If anyone is going to attempt to do your hair, it’s going to be you. At least you know your mane well enough to know it needs a bottle and a half of hairspray to stay styled for one and a half to two hours.
13. Driving on the highway with the windows down ruins your life. Or – even worse – driving anywhere with the top down. Talk about knots. Now your hair is F*CKED.
14. You don’t have many options when getting your haircut. “Add volume,” I say. “Impossible,” is the response. I get the same haircut literally every time I get my hair done. They can’t do anything different to this mane. It’s long and straight and there’s nothing I can do about it. The only thing I could do to make my hair different is to cut it all off, but I’m not doing that. NO THX.
15. It’s too thin to be fun. Getting your hair done for a wedding and find something you love on Pinterest? Yeah, no. You don’t have enough hair to do anything fun basically. Which leads to the next point…
16. If you do want to do something fun, you’ve got to get extensions. And daaaaaamnnnnn extensions are expensive. I just want lots of hair… and VOLUME. Or one of Kylie Jenner’s wigs. Is that too much to ask for? IS IT??? IS IT!??!?!?
Hi Kylie. Bye Kylie.
17. Summer, in general. It’s too hot to blow dry. It’s too hot to curl. It’s too hot to not get annoyed at the pieces of hair stuck to your sweaty body, gross. HUMIDITY GOT YOU LIKE SANDY B.
18. Winter, in general. Winter is not a fan of straight hair. Like, how is it possible that your hair can STILL manage to be stuck to your head and also fly all over the place due to static electricity AT THE SAME TIME? No hairspray can save during winter. However, a pony tail and a lack of showering can. Yasssssss.
19. Getting *shade* from friends after you tell them you don’t have a straightener when they ask if they can use your straightener.
20. Looking back on your teenage years and wondering why the fuck you 1. owned a straightener and 2. straightened your hair. YOUR HAIR WAS ALREADY STRAIGHT. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU? There was no need to make those locks any more lifeless… but you did.