Because “20 Things I Wish I Knew In High School” seemed to go over well we are taking it back even further, the most awkward years of your life…MIDDLE SCHOOL!
#1. Bringing a tooth brush/floss for after lunch “Braces Maintenance” is never a bad idea.
#2. Having 100 key chains on your backpack is just obnoxious.
#3. Your biggest “enemy” will probably become your BFF at some point before you graduate high school.
#4. Nicknaming your friend group aka “Fab Five” or “Sexy Six” is totally extra and unnecessary.
#5. Always where shorts under a skirt incase you have a spontaneous need to cartwheel in the gym or just want to prevent pervy boys from looking up your skirt when going up the stairs.
#6. Colored hair wraps/ cornrow braids with beads after a trip to Florida…just don’t!
#7. Either be “sick” or get a note excusing you from “Frog Dissection Day.” It smells REALLY bad.
#8. Limited Too (remember that store?!) is NOT worth the money. $50 bucks for a pair of glitter jeans?
#9. Always have mint flavored gum for slow dances – you don’t want stanky breath.
#10. YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM! It’s a crush!
#11. Making out in a movie theater might seem like a good idea at the time, but I promise you, it’s not!
#12. Just because you listen to Greenday and Simple Plan really loud in your room does not mean you are depressed.
#13. Carrying a purse around with one pad and one tampon in it is just ridiculous. Put it in your pocket. Everyone gets their period – it’s not embarrassing.
#14. Colored eyeshadow/glitter – just NO!
#15. Princess Leia Buns… wtf? NO!
#16. Wear a bra! Even if you don’t need one yet, it’s good practice.
#17. Boys are going to go from “having cooties” to your entire life literally overnight.
#18. Don’t use Proactiv if you have sensitive skin. Actually you know what? Just don’t use Proactiv, period.
#19. If you walk home from school ALWAYS bring a pair of flats on days you decide to “dress up” and wear heals. Nobody wants to see a 13 year old clomping down the sidewalk in heals and huge ass backpack…so awkward.
#20. Boys are cheats and liars; they’re a big disgrace! They will tell you anything to get to second…BASE-ball, baseball he thinks he’s gonna score. If you let him go all the way then you are a WHORE- ticulturists study flowers, geologists study rocks. The only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his COCK –roaches, beetles, butterflies, and bugs. Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of JUG-lers and acrobats and dancing bears named chuck! All boys want to do is… Forget it no such luck.
If you never knew the words to that…you’re welcome. And if you don’t know what that is from I suggest you watch The Hot Chick on Netflix like right now.
