Horribly Awesome Infomercials

While watching TV last night, a ridiculous commercial came on the screen. People in these solid colored jumpsuits were lounging, dancing, walking, eating, and even going to the bathroom. WTF. The commercial was for the “Forever Lazy,” which is basically a sweatshirt attached to sweatpants. A f*cking onesie. Again – WTF. At first, I thought it was a joke… kind of like Pajama Jeans… but let me tell you – Forever Lazy is 100 times worse than Pajama Jeans. The commercial not only shows people lounging around their homes, sleeping, and watching TV, but they show people playing wii and dancing around. I thought that was bad – BUT NO. They then show a man in this ridic onesie at what appears to be a baseball stadium. Why someone would wear this out in public, I don’t know. I don’t even know why someone would wear this in the first place, but that is besides the point. SO, the man has to go to the bathroom at the ballpark… but he doesn’t have to worry about taking the whole suit off to go BECAUSE the onesie has a zippered hole on each side of the spectrum so you don’t have to fully undress when you have to go. I understand the Snuggie actually became successful from an infomerical, but I have no doubt in my mind that “Forever Lazy” will be a complete failure. Check it out for yourself:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S2p7AiNX9g]

After I saw this atrocity, I decided to YouTube the classic infomercial, Flea Market Montgomery, because that man was the sh*t. I would ACTUALLY go to to his stupid flea market. Besides the fact it looks like Bob’s Furniture (a cheap furniture store in the Boston area), it ISN’T because it is JUST LIKE a mini-mall. However, I would really like to know what else they have other than couches and tables to make it a mini-mall. Maybe that’s the size of your average mini-mall in middle of nowhere Alabama… but ANYWAY, if you have never experienced FMM (yes, he deserves an abbreve) then you are obv missing out. Watch now:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ3oHpup-pk]

The fun didn’t end there. When I typed in Flea Market Montgomery, a video titled “The 10 Worst Infomercials of All Time” came up. Hmm, I wondered… so I clicked it… and what did I find? Literally the best infomercials ever. All of these 2 minute jokes I had never seen because A) I don’t watch TV at 3am when all of these are on and B) they were old as f*ck. For example, the TIDDY BEAR. Yes, that’s right and probably not at all what you think it is. Let me explain: If you have breasts, then you know what it feels like to have the seat belt causing discomfort there… So some moron bought a bunch of stuffed animals (bears) and told people to put one between the boob and the seatbelt and they would feel super comfortable in a seatbelt. WTF. If I really wanted to, I could put one of my f*cking beanie babies there… Why buy some stuffed animal? And the fact that they named it “tiddy” is out of control. Funny… but COME ON. Watch here:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw1g2yKxb0I]

And now for my favorite: The Hawaii Chair. If this is serious, then I really don’t know anymore… The seat moves in circles so you can sit and perform a “hula hoop motion” all day long. 1. Hawaiins are not the only ones who hula. 2. It looks wrong. 3. I highly doubt I could take notes and answer the phone when my f*cking chair is rotating in circles. 4. Get a stability ball and sit on that all day long if you need to. 5. OR go to the f*cking gym. Lift some weights. Actually buy a hula hoop and do that AT HOME in your free time. I wonder if anyone bought this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4]

Basically, infomercials are a hilarious form of entertainment that boost ratings during commercial breaks… No one buys the things they are selling (except like shake weights and snuggies). What’s next? A commercial for the car periscope? Thanks for the idea Larry, but the car periscope is like wearing comfortable shoes that are ugly – No thanks.

Not so much on the outside…

What’s your favorite infomercial?

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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