Forever Lazy: At first I thought this infomercial was a joke. Then, it started playing more during prime time… and THEN I saw a stack of them in Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Do not get someone a forever lazy. The snuggie was one thing – at least it is easy to put on and take off. But someone who is lazy will not want to wear a onesie. Sure it has holes on both ends for you to go to the bathroom… but why not wear a pair of sweatpants??? No normal person will wear this in public. Actually, no normal person would wear this ever. These should be forever banned.
Scale: This gift is rude. It doesn’t matter how much someone weighs – do not get them a scale. Scales are not expensive. And if someone is into health or is trying to lose weight, they probably already own a scale. And if not, they can buy one on their own. If you are trying to get someone to gain or lose weight, this scale gift will do just the opposite.
Bath and Body Lotion: In middle school, when we actually bought gifts for our friends with our parent’s money and received them in return, people only gave bath and body lotions – specifically from Bath and Body Words. We had pretty much every kind of lotion out there in our bathrooms… and would probably use maybe one or two of them in our lifetime. However, even if you knew you wouldn’t use the lotions, you still gave them to your friends anyway knowing they might not use them either. Why did we do this? I don’t know. Now that we are older, people STILL think this is okay. Maybe we will understand the fascination with bulk bath and body lotions when we are older, like post-having-kids, when we’re trying to get rid of wrinkles, look younger, and have a lot of free time on our hands. But right now – we will not even open a thing of bulk lotions. Not only is this a sign of someone putting absolutely NO thought into a twenty something’s gift, but it forces us to pretend we enjoy the lotions and the flavor you got us (which is most likely not our favorite).
Pajama Jeans: As you may have noticed, twenty somethings love leggings as they are super comfortable and stylish (unless you are not anorexic and wear a shirt that doesn’t cover your ass with them – that is defined as fashOFF). However, there is one thing we love more than leggings – and that is Jeggings. At first, I thought this was an absolutely horrible name for a pair of pants, but now I realize that the person behind these pants is a genius. They provide comfort, style, and an easy way to wear boots (since you don’t have to shove your jeans into them). If you are shopping for a stylish twenty something who loves to wear tight pants, please do not mistake these pants for Pajama Jeans. Twenty somethings do not buy clothes from annoying infomercials. We buy them from stores. The person behind Pajama Jeans is clearly an oblivious imposter who doesn’t understand the point of Jeggings. Sure, Jeggings feel good (and I’m assuming Pajama Jeans do too), but Pajama Jeans don’t look good. They also aren’t jean material. If I’m not going to wear jeans, tights, or leggings, I’m going to wear a combination of the three. Also, news flash: twenty somethings don’t wear pajamas. They wear yoga pants or shorts. Thank you.
Live Animals: Unless we ask for a Pony this Christmas (which we shouldn’t because we aren’t, like, 5), do not get us an animal. Not only do animals cost money that we don’t have… they also require attention that we do not have the time to give. If we want an animal, are willing to cut down on our alcohol/clothing budget, and will stop working out in order to spend time with it, then we will either 1. purchase an animal ourselves or 2. annoy you to death telling you we neeeeed a puppy, like right now. If you must get us an animal this year, make sure it is one of the following: a cat or a dog. Do not get us anything else. We don’t need a rodent running around our apartment. If we did, we would leave food everywhere in our apartment in order to pick up lots of mice.
Food: I don’t know about you, but food – especially junk food – is not what I want for the holidays. I would rather have one of those awful, assorted packs of lotions that I will never use… because I don’t need any more food than the food I’ve been eating at holiday parties, work, family dinners, and at my apartment… NYE is days away and I would like to not gain 10 pounds by then. I mean do you think my favorite thing to do is eat? Because it’s actually to not eat.
Clothes That Don’t Fit: If you don’t know someone’s clothing size, do NOT get them clothes. The holidays are bad enough with making people feel bloated and gross – but if you receive something you can’t fit into, you will feel bad about yourself. AND if you receive something that is too big for you, you will also feel bad about yourself because WTF does your aunt think you’re a medium when you’re obviously a small?
Things For Our Kitchen: I guess if we really need or want something this is OKAY. But if our kitchens are set with cooking stuff, utensils, plates, cups, etc – we don’t need anything else yet… especially if we live with friends. Clearly, we would rather spend our money on alcohol and clothes right now. And if we weren’t raging alcoholics with shopping problems – and had extra money lying around – we might already have matching, high class kitchen sets. But we don’t. And guess what? We are okay with that. Please wait until there is a ring involved – or MAYBE when we have moved in with our significant others and only black out once a month – to buy us kitchen stuff.
Knockoff Designer Anything: If you are buying someone a gift and are on a budget, don’t buy knockoff stuff. Especially if you are buying for a twenty something. Of course, there are some twenty somethings out there who might not know or care about the difference. But other people will. If you can’t afford the real thing, don’t get something that “looks just like it.” Expand your horizons and buy something cheaper… that is real.
Unemployment: The worst gift of all for a twenty something who isn’t in school or living off their wealthy parents is to not have a job. If you have no job, you probably have no money to buy people gifts. If you have no job, you will have no money to spend on New Years Eve and other holiday celebrations. If you have no job, you will most likely already be bored and not appreciate your time off during the holidays (unless you are like me and have no time off during the holidays).
What do you think would be a horrible gift, twenty somethings?