10 Ways to Get Yourself Fired

1. Make mistakes. And don’t say sorry.

2. Sleep through your alarm every day. If you’re well rested, you’ll do a better job – even if you come in an hour late every day… right?

3. Take 2 hour lunch breaks… and don’t bring your cell phone with you. During this time, go shopping, go home to watch One Tree Hill on SoapNet, or (if it’s nice out) lie out at a nearby park (or in your parking lot if it’s not covered).

4. If asked to stay late, say no. Every time. If asked why you can’t stay, say you have to feed your cat. Meow.

5. Try to make others laugh by making rude/unnecessary comments after someone speaks. Even if it’s the CEO. You’re, like, really funny so it’s okay.

6. If you’re supposed to be answering phones, put on headphones and rock out. Other people can answer the calls you miss.

7. If someone asks you to do something, always say no… no matter how open your day is.

8. Hit on a select few of your coworkers (guys and girls). Do your best to creep them the fuck out.

9. When in possession of the company credit card, head to nearest bar and buy shots for everyone around you. Rage.

10. If you don’t feel like going into work, don’t go. Validate your absence by telling your employer ‘at least you didn’t have to pay me.’

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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