I have a shopping problem.
Like a severe, uncalled for shopping problem.
On my entry-level salary, I have a lot of things I need to somehow come up with money for… such as rent, food, alcohol, and the gym. After paying these things, I put up a front and sulk about how effing poor I am. I debate moving home. I consider cancelling my gym membership. I stay in when something fun is going on… But when it comes to buying clothes, shoes, and accessories, it’s a whole different story.
My problem stems from my delusional nature of sometimes believing I’m really, really ridiculously rich… When this delusion kicks in, I will buy anything. And I mean anything. You name it. Those 140 dollar heels. That 80 dollar dress. That 18 dollar necklace. That beautiful 40 dollar bag along with the three 12 dollar shirts from TJ Maxx (I mean, they were 12 dollars!). It’s a problem.
However, this delusion goes away when I have to pay for anything other than clothes, accessories, and shoes. Food? No thanks, I would rather starve. Rent? Well, I know I have to pay it. I just cry after and stay in all weekend. Alcohol for friends? Only when I’m blackout to the point of no return (and I totally cringe at the charges on my online bank statement the next morning).
But it’s not that I’m cheap. I wouldn’t be able to give up my social life and all other things that go along with it just to have a baller closet. I also sometimes watch my unrealistic life view take a turn for the worst and I will give money I don’t have to other people (as in buying shots, putting in extra money at dinner, and purchasing decor and alcohol for parties). I do this for the sole purpose of validating the fact that, yes, I have money… so it is totally okay I just bought a skirt, a pair of sandals, 2 shirts, and a blazer. Right…
This delusion isn’t apparent 24/7 though. After a few weeks of binging on clothes, I take a look at my credit card statement online and throw up. But really, I do. I simply cannot spend too much money on my credit card without telling myself to STOP and then taking off the next two weeks of raging to lie in bed and watch movies on TV such as Titanic and whatever is on Lifetime… However, give me a month of being cheap and I’ll be right back at believing I’m rich again. And there you have it – the vicious cycle of my delusional life as a twenty something who sometimes thinks she’s rich because she occasionally makes a decent amount of overtime at work, has some money in the bank, and effing loves having a pretty closet.
This delusional cycle will never end… will it?