I hate cartoons. They piss me off and I can’t believe I used to watch them (Family Guy being the only exception). I hated Tiny Toon Adventures (although I think I just never gave it a chance… unless I was in Disney World… hello rides). I hated the Animaniacs (who the F is named Yakko and Wakko?!). I hated Beavis and Butthead (like, get a job you morons). And I HATED/HATE The Simpsons (WHY IS YOUR VOICE SO ANNOYING MARGE?).
However, I was a fan of cartoons when I was really little. I had an odd obsession with the Green Louie (no idea what or who that is anymore) and I was depressed for a year when I lost the toy version of this character. As I grew older, cartoons appealed less and less to me. But, in my elementary school days I secretly watched a few cartoons in my spare time. And many of the characters from those shows have made lasting impressions on me.
Here are 10 cartoon characters from the 90s that I will never forget:
Angelica Pickles: Angelica was basically my idol. The girl I loved to hate and secretly wanted to be. She was the Regina George of the playground making future lesbians (Lil) cry, beating up tough guys (Tommy), and making fun of gingers (Chuckie). However, to parents she was an angel who could do no wrong in her cute little pig tails. Epitome of a betch.
Helga G Pataki: Girl was tapped. Who collects ABC gum? That’s ‘already been chewed’ for those of you who didn’t interact with people in elementary school. It’s fine (well, almost fine) that she created a shrine to her football headed crush, but couldn’t she have done it NOT with ABC gum?After Helga made Arnold’s life a living hell, she opened our eyes up to the fact that the 5th grade bully might not be 100% mean spirited – he (or she) might just be in love with us! So thanks to Hey Arnold, we all became extremely conceited. ‘That boy who just threw my sand in my eyes MUST have a huge crush on me! Right?!”
Rocko: Rocko is on this list solely because his show’s theme song is forever engraved into my brain. ‘Rocko’s. modern. life.’ Rocko was this weird wallaby who had a bunch of bizarre friends. I guess I found this show amusing because my mom’s hair dresser was named Rocko at the time and I didn’t think anyone else could possibly be named Rocko. WHAT A FUNNY NAME (I was extremely immature – give me a break). Rocko also lived in a place called ‘O-Town.’ Really? Did O-Town seriously name their band after Rocko’s town? Maybe.
Pepper Ann: Pepper Ann was waaaaaaaaaaaay too cool for 7th grade. I’m surprised she even agreed to do a television show. And I’m surprised I even watched it. Or at least I think I watched it (I don’t remember much of the show except Pepper being too cool… but maybe that’s just me remembering the theme song). I don’t understand why Pepper Ann thought she was so cool. It’s not like she was attractive or anything. I remember watching this show and Recess on ‘One Saturday Morning’ on Disney or ABC (same thing, whatev).
Doug Funnie: Doug made it okay to be a freak of nature. In his head he was a faux superhero named ‘Quailman’ who wore a cape on his back and a belt on his head… but in real life he was a nude colored dude fighting to fit in with a bunch of colored people. Like rainbow colored people. Doug was so BLAH, he couldn’t be one of these cool colors like his friend Skeeter Valentine who was blue… or his super-cool-leather-jacket-wearing enemy Roger Klotz who was green. Poor thing was white. But it was okay because his crush, Patty Mayonnaise, was white too. However, she was abnormally tan (jealous) and she dressed and looked like a grandmother (not jealous). Doug… what were you thinking? Polka-dots?! Every day?! Oh the horror.
Daria Morgendorffer – Daria is the ultimate hipster. She was a hipster before anyone else was. Before it was cool to be one. Before people knew what they were. Hipster extraordinaire. Daria never smiled, but never frowned. She was so ‘meh,’ hated basically everyone, and spoke in the best monotone voice ever. She was pretty much a badass whom I envied, even though she was un-cool and a disappointment to her parents. She taught me not to give a f*ck. About anything. Ever. GO DARIA. And to think MTV has replaced Daria with Jersey Shore and Teen Wolf. Ugh.
The Brain: I give The Brain props for putting up with Pinky. I mean that guy’s voice was so f*cking annoying. Like worse than Gilbert Gotfried – which means really REALLY annoying. Pinky had severe ADHD and a mild form of tourettes (what was with the random NARF outbreaks?), except this was never actually stated out loud. I’m just realizing this now 15 years later. I still don’t know why The Brain thought he was going to take over the world every single night with Pinky, but at least he tried.
Tommy Pickles: Every boy on the playground wanted to be Tommy Pickles and every girl wanted to date him. He was the ringleader even though he pranced around in a diaper. Tommy Pickles and his grandfather, Boris, taught me everything I needed to know about being Jewish. I mean who needs Hebrew School when you can watch the Rugrat’s Hannukah episode?
Patrick Star: Patrick has won a spot on this list against Spongebob due to my odd obsession with his moronic ways. Patrick was so dumb. Dumb as a f*cking rock. I
secretly watched this show as a pre-teen simply to hear Patrick’s fat person laugh. He really made me feel better about myself, since I was a chubby child but not nearly as large and dumb as him. I would also like to give a shout out to Sandy Cheeks. I still haven’t gone to Texas, but you sure made it sound good.
CatDog: Okay, this is the number one cartoon character created basically ever. What a brilliant idea. Not just a cat… not just a dog… but BOTH. No tail, just faces. Which side was the rear? We will never know. CatDog could stretch for miles and it made absolutely no sense. The cat side could be grocery shopping while the dog side could be sitting on the couch at home watching TV. I mean really. Who thought of this? Will you be my best friend?
What cartoon characters from the 90s will you always remember?