The 20-Somethings Guide To: The Super Bowl

You are TWO days away from one of the best days of the year — The Super Bowl — if in fact your team is actually playing in the game. If not, you’re two days away from a day dedicated to football madness where you can root against whoever fucked your team over the most. Or you can give the finger to both teams and hope no one scores any points because Ray Lewis killed someone and Chris Culliver hates gays. Even if you’re not a fan of football, or sports in general, the Super Bowl is still a necessary event to watch. It gives you an excuse to drink, eat, and hang out with people. What 20-something isn’t a fan of those things? There are also commercials actually worth watching… and Beyonce… and hopefully Jay-Z… and Kanye… and Michelle Obama. Best friends fo life.

Where To Watch

The Super Bowl is not meant to be watched alone. You can’t order yourself an intense amount of wings, eat a ridic amount of buff chick dip, and drink beer alone. I mean you could — but, like, no. You are only allowed to watch alone if your team is in the Super Bowl playing against an evil rival that they once lost to before. In that case, you should watch alone. And you shouldn’t eat or drink during. Because if they lose, you will throw up after. And it won’t be pretty.

What To Wear

If you are a fan of one of the teams, wear a jersey, a team t-shirt, or anything that represents the team (even if you just rock the colors, that’s fine). If you aren’t wear whatever the fuck you want. No one likes a fair weather fan.

What To Eat

Everything, duh. Chips, salsa, guac, buff chick dip, spinach dip, mini hot dogs in those cute rolls, mozzarella sticks, wings, nachos, etc, etc. Basically anything that is horribly bad for you, you are allowed to eat on Super Bowl Sunday. Embrace that.

I would pay money to anyone who creates this. Wait, no I won’t. But it would be cool.

What To Drink

Drink beer. Only beer. Unless you are allergic to gluten, like me, then drink vodka. #CasualSunday.

How To Act

If you have no idea what’s going on, sit back, shut up, and keep dipping your tortilla chips in guacamole. Laugh once or twice during commercials and DO NOT try cheering. You will just look like a moron. If you are a fan, don’t scream or repeat every play. Everyone else is watching too. If you have remarks, that is what social media is for. Express your excitement and anger without being annoying. If your team wins, do not disrespect those who’s team lost. That means no tossing water on people, no chasing people around, and no pointing and laughing at people. If your team loses and you are around other people, get up and leave immede. Especially if you are around fans of the team that won. Wait until you are home to get upset and angry. You want to avoid punching holes in anyone else’s walls except yours. Your walls are the only walls you are allowed to punch. I repeat: Your walls are the only walls you are allowed to punch.

Happy Super Bowl weekend, 20-somethings!

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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