Stop Blaming Birth Control

It’s not the only reason why we’re fat.

This morning was just like any other: Woke up, brushed teeth, packed gym bag, contemplated vinegar shot, didn’t, left for work.

This afternoon, however, shall be different: I am going to the gym.

There’s only so much one can blame on birth control. And unfortunately, me being fat can no longer be one of them.

I’ve had “the” conversation everyday with myself for the past month(s):

  • Your gym bag is packed!
  • Your high school reunion is coming up!
  • You had a box of Annie’s last night.
  • You have on your sports bra!

But, each time, there have been ample legitimate reasons why I should just not go and continue letting that 80$ a month go to waste:

  • I couldn’t fall asleep last night!
  • It’s essential I catch up on Revenge before roommate gets home!
  • I’ll only have Tasti-D-Lite for dinner!
  • Happppyyyy hourrrrrrrr

Yet, not today. Today the slice of apple pie I consumed at lunch will win. Today, I will unpack my packed gym bag and work the fuck out.

Off I go.

# # #

30 minutes later

# # #

Initial thoughts from the elliptical:

  • Not awful.
  • Water is stale.
  • I can taste my lunch.
  • The chick ordering Seamless in front of me is a genius.
  • Spotted coworker on upward ramp of the treadmill (insert headphones into dead iPod to keep her from approaching)
  • Buzzed from work BB. Literally F you it’s past 7.
  • Shaggy blonde guy on TMZ looks like the oldest Hanson! How tragically entertaining.
  • Is anyone famous here?
  • So worth joining Equinox.

A DILEMMA. Is it time to check the calorie count?

  • If it is less than 300, I’m going to be sooooooooooo annoyed and remain bored/feel defeated 🙁
  • If it is more than 300 I’ll be super relieved/cocky and consider taking a cab home (JKJKJKJKJKJK)

Relief>Risk

Ok phew.

The sweating between my boobs hath commenced. Now if I only eat fruit for dessert my stomach will be super flat by morning. If I do sit ups in the weight room that will be guaranteed. But I’m too tired for that shit, and the mats are always nasty or filled with ugly sweaty people. This workout is OVA.

Ugh.

There’s always condoms….

amanda lane

Hustla by day, Top Chef by night, Amanda lives in New York via New Orleans via Boston and is thoroughly enjoying the last year before the Quarter Life Crisis begins.

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