Prohibition: Why You Should Be Thankful It’s 80 Years Gone

In case you didn’t know this, the world was a sad, scary place from 1920 to 1933.  Bars were illegal.  Vodka had to be smuggled.  The prospect of getting a guy to buy you a drink at the bar was actually impossible.  All of these travesties were because of one terrible, terrible Puritan idea:  Prohibition.

That’s right.  Prohibition tried to make America the least fun place on the planet for a few years.  Could you even imagine the panic you would experience upon hearing that type of news?

I’d imagine all you would want to do is throw a few back.  But you wouldn’t be able to, of course, because that would be illegal.

Luckily, some people got smart and decided to open Speakeasys and sell bootleg liquor, which got us through until the dreaded 18th Amendment was finally repealed on December 5, 1933, making life a little better (and boozier) for everyone involved.

But think about it.  If Prohibition hadn’t been repealed, our lives would be so much worse.

We would never know the glory of a cheap vodka pre-game.

Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha would never have introduced cosmopolitans to the world.

You would never be able to resort to wine when you went through a break up.

Traveling would be absolutely unbearable.

Snoop Dogg’s daily activities would be incomplete.

We would never be able to pretend to be rockstars when an LMFAO single came on, ordering us to take SHOTS.

Ron Burgundy would be significantly less awesome.

The cast of Gossip Girl would have never been able to promote underage drinking.

Spring Break would have been way less fun (and regrettable, but that’s neither here nor there).

If Prohibition hadn’t been repealed, you would have no excuse for your less than ideal social behavior at times.

Also, Lindsay Lohan would have NEVER been a train wreck/constant source of entertainment.

And, you never would be able to hide your bitch face by taking a sip of a drink on a failed blind date.

Overall, I think it’s abundantly clear the repeal of Prohibition changed our lives for the better.

Naturally, there’s only one way to celebrate.

Cheers, bitches!  It IS Thirsty Thursday, after all.

Alex Engelbert

After graduating from Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizadry, and realizing her degree in The History of Magic was hardly applicable in any employable realm, Alex decided to stop doing acid and actually get a BA in English. A comedy writer living in Brooklyn, NY, Alex enjoys stalking ex-boyfriends, drinking coffee, plotting ways to meet Suri Cruise, and drinking cheap wine out of an over priced Crate and Barrel glass. Follow her on Twitter if you're entertained by hot messes @Alex_Engelbert.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.