All I want in 2014 is for Taylor Swift to shut the fuck up and for Kim Kardashian to disappear. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look as if either of these things will be happening any time soon, especially the latter.
Even though Kim has been jetting off to Paris on the reg to prepare for her annoyingly massive third wedding (this time to Kanye West), she’s somehow found time to cavort around Los Angelos and annoy the entire world.
Most recently, Kim “Don’t Call Me Fat Even Though I Gained 40000 lbs While I Was Pregnant and Spent Basically A Year Trying to Get The Baby Weight Off While Photo Shopping Selfies to Trick People Into Thinking I’m Skinny” Kardashian was seen in LA wearing a cream colored turtle neck crop top and beige pants that were about 15 times too small.
A few things to be noted about this scenario:
1) What the fuck is going on with this crop top/turtleneck combo? Was it her mom’s in the 80’s? No wonder Anna Wintour wants her nowhere near Vogue – she seriously has no sense of style on her own. The ability to hire a stylist does not a fashionista make – if this is Kardashian’s attempt at validating Kanye’s claims she should be a Vogue cover girl, it’s pathetic.
2) WHY. THOSE. PANTS. The only thing more boring than wearing cream is wearing a combination of cream and BEIGE. Is she a fucking middle school vice principal? Bitch, be real here. We know you have no personality Kim, but there’s no reason to add insult to injury by dressing as plainly as you act. Also, I would stick to black/grey/dark blue if I were you, it’s slimming.
3) CLEARLY you’ve been photoshopping all of those Instagram pictures, because YOU’RE PUTTING THE ASS IN MASSIVE. Not only does your famous behind look huge in a bad way, but your muffin top is clearly visible and embarrassing. Have you not figured out that you need to go up a size? Did you not realize you should have opted for a pair of spanks and a long flow-y top instead of a FUCKING CROP TOP SWEATER?
Listen Kimmy, I hate you, I really fucking do. I think this is just proof you should spend the neonths leading up to your May wedding in seclusion, doing a lot of cleanses and working out…if beige is unforgiving, I can’t imagine how unflattering white will look on you. Maybe you and Rob can join forces and try to work out together?
Seriously. WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING FATASS