Growing up is hard and some people never actually do, no matter how hard they try. Here are a couple things you should be able to do (at least before you start depending on others to do them for you) before you can call yourself an adult.
1. Make appointments for yourself without being afraid of picking up the phone. Some people out there are secretly terrified of calling people on the phone, so they put off calling for as long as possible and therefore haven’t gone to the dentist and/or doctor in years.
2. Be able to kill a bug without running around screaming and/or hiding in a room where you can shut the door and cry. I fall victim to this. And this is why I cannot call myself an adult.
3. Put together Ikea furniture without having a mental breakdown. It’s not you. It’s the directions.
4. Front the bill for dinner without complaining. Or cover a cab for a group of people. Or buy someone else a drink. Or… you get the point. You know people have covered for you before. PaY iT bAcK.
5. Not succumb to FOMO when staying in. And instead, you should have FOMO when going out. Fear of missing out on good health and cleaning your disgusting apartment.
6. Stop going to EDM shows dressed in neon. Because there will come a time when people at those concerts will refer to you as a Grandma.
7. Have a savings account with money in it. Yes that’s right. WITH MONEY IN IT. Sure you may have a savings account, but don’t call yourself an adult unless you can actually stick to saving the money in it. Saving $400 from a paycheck and spending that $400 on a vacation four weeks later isn’t saving.
8. Handle your own taxes. My mom still does mine. Therefore, not an adult.
9. Stop naming Facebook photo albums after song lyrics. Does anyone even do this anymore?
10. Feed yourself for at least a week with no help from others. That means you should be able to cook something other than microwavable chicken nuggets and pasta. It means you should not have to take daily trips to the pizza joint and/or deli around the corner. Those are both acceptable sometimes, but you should know how to survive on your own by maybe making scrambled eggs or grilling chicken on a George Foreman. Don’t depend on someone else to do it for you. Because one day if you ARE left alone, you might be broke and you might starve and it will not be pretty.
11. Keep your car’s “check engine” light from turning on. Your car gets you from point A to point B and that’s basically all that matters… until you’re an adult. Damn your 18 year old self for running that car into the ground. You can’t afford a new one now…
12. Know how to drink without throwing up hours later/the next morning. Because if you keep this up, you won’t be labeled ‘fun’ much longer — you’ll be labeled ‘alcoholic.’
13. Know the difference between ‘friend’ and ‘acquaintance.’ No one has that many friends.
14. Do not drink on antibiotics. You might feel like your world will end if you have to miss so-and-so’s birthday bash because you’re suffering from a UTI, so you just say fuck it and head to the bar ordering cranberry vodkas all night. But if you were an adult, you’d know that mixing cranberry juice with vodka isn’t a solution to your problem. Oh, and you’d want to take better care of your body… Right?
15. Know the difference between love and being in love. Because if you don’t, chances are you haven’t been in love yet.
16. Be friends with your mom. You’re, like, almost her age (NOT).
17. Do not shop at Forever 21. Except for maybe a shirt, or two shirts, or a necklace. That shit falls apart.
18. Have framed pictures on your wall instead of posters. Posters are, like, soooo college.
19. Invest in a 401k. Invest? 401k? Those words scream ADULT.
20. Pay your own phone bill. Because you’re not an adult until you’re kicked off the family plan.