Just Say “No” to Facebook Relationships!

How many times a day do you see some couple’s wall-to-wall conversations on Facebook? How about the engagements rings and proposals? Oh, and the passive-aggressive break-up statuses? I guarantee your answer to all of these questions was “too many.” Facebook has become the ultimate virtual relationship expo, and it is exhausting.

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This practice was cute (sort of) in high school. It was acceptable, even expected in college. As an adult, it just makes you look childish and immature. As adults, we stop caring about other people’s relationships because we have our own lives. Oh wait, except these adult relationships are thrown in our faces and all over our newsfeeds on Facebook. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

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If you want to put “In a Relationship” as your status and have your s/o in your profile pic, go for it. Beyond that, you’re just showing off. I’m sure it can be satisfying to think that your beau’s ex is looking at your page with envy, but why do you care? Why do we care what our facebook friends think of our relationships? Or is it just the fact that others know you’re in a relationship? What’s the deal?

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Now I’m not going to sit on my high horse and pretend I haven’t done this, because I have. In fact, I was probably one of the worst offenders of Facebook relationship crimes in the history of ever. But I was 19 and it was my first relationship. I was a child, so I did childish things. Every effing status was about my boyfriend. My profile picture stayed the same for six months. We wrote on each other’s walls (this was before timelines) like it was a full-time job. In short, it was sickening, and I’m surprised I had any Facebook friends during that six month long mistake.

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Oh, and let’s not forget the epicness of our breakup that all of Facebookdom got to experience with me. I was the EMPEROROR of passive-aggressive Facebook statuses. For a solid month, every status was about one of two things: 1. Men are stupid, or 2. My ex-boyfriend is a dirtbag. Again, I’m surprised I still have friends from this period of my life. It was utterly sad.

As twenty-somethings, we demand to be treated like the adults we claim to be, but no one will ever take us seriously if we continue to advertise our relationships and their endings via Facebook. Real adults don’t care about each others’ relationship issues or blessings. A real, adult relationship should not need Facebook likes and comments to be special.

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I’ve made a vow to myself to never ever be the 19-year-old version of myself ever again. If someday I am fortunate enough to be in a relationship again, I will not post to Facebook about it on the daily. I won’t even say I’m “in a relationship” because no one cares. I will tell the people I love personally, and that’s it. If I should get engaged, I won’t spend hours thinking of the perfect witty photo caption for my ring; I’ll announce it the old fashioned way: snail mail announcements and phone calls. My possible future wedding details won’t flood the newsfeeds of my friends, family, and acquaintances. All of this is so unnecessary in life; I don’t know when all of this publicity became so normal, but it needs to stop.

Samantha Glassford

A born-and-raised Jersey girl with a chronic case of wanderlust, Samantha spends her days reading, writing, and planning adventures. She currently teaches classes at the community college while living at home with her parents, trying and failing to become a part of the proverbial real world. Her dream is for someone to pay her for writing and traveling, but in reality she'll probably be teaching forever. Follow her mundane musings on Twitter @SamanthaG2012, and check out her personal blog, wanderlustingmillenial.blog.com

1 Comment
  1. Can you please, please, please do one of these on people and their kids? I have a family member that will go unmentioned that posts photos, videos and constant updates all the time.

    Where we seldom see pictures Beyonce’s kid, as an example, I see this family members kids more than I see my own reflection in shiny objects. It’s terrible!

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