Perhaps it’s just me – but I feel like I have reached a point in my life where I’m starting to reflect on everything. With this comes many questions come up about where I am in my life and how I got to where I am at. And I have circled back to one realization – I don’t have many girlfriends.
In high school the more friends you had the better. Your paranoid teenager mind is in a constant state of panic stemming from the fact that all you want to do is fit in and look cool to everyone else. It fucking sucks – your insecurities are heightened in a way that makes you sorta-kinda-always hate yourself and change everything. I totally fell into this as a teen – trying to fit the mold I made for myself and secretly wanting to disappear all at the same time. I yearned to be anyone else and for myself, that was any one of my girlfriends. They were flawless to me for so many different reasons. At one point we would trade clothes and I would relish in the fact that I could feel like someone else for the day. My girlfriends were prettier, smarter, and represented everything I felt I could obtain.
Then enter college… I was thrown into an environment where I had to start from scratch, no friends and feeling like a big loser. Eventually finding my niche, as most of us do, and meeting some of the best girls I’ve ever met. I could really talk endlessly about the group of ladies I met my four years at school – but that’s a different tangent for a different time. But there I was in college, meeting these kick ass chicks (most of whom I at one point lived with) who showed me I could abandon my high school insecurities and start embracing life/shit/myself and become who I wanted to be. I literally would not be who I am today without these girls which brings me to…
Five years out of college and almost ten for high school (woof) – these friendships that at one point I couldn’t imagine living without – are gone. Poof. No Mean Girls style fight – no backstabbing or drama, just friends quickly slipping through our fingers like summer sand.
So to these the girlfriends of my past –the girls that held my hand every time I needed them without fail – who went to Applebee’s with me after cheerleading – who watched Wedding Crashers with me for the millionth time – who convinced me Malibu was a good drink choice – you will forever remain amazing and truly special in my heart. I guess at this weird quarter life stage we are in that friendships will continue to come and go for no reason other than weird real life bullshit.
And in a world where there is so many girl on girl hate/jealousy – lies the true beauty of this sad sort of tale that two girlfriends who went down the paths they were meant to – so keep at it, old friend, as I continue to occasionally stalk you via Facebook, and watch you become the world travelers, teachers, young professionals, wives, mothers that you once told me you wanted to be.