Tonight I caved and made a video for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. I was nominated 2 days ago and honestly wasn’t too thrilled about having to pour a bucket (or in my case, mixing bowl — who the F has buckets?) of ice on myself. I mean, it’s a hard enough process to get myself off the couch and in a hot water shower. Now society was expecting me to dump a bucket of ICE COLD ICE on my body? OUTDOORS? WHAT IS THIS?
Anyway. I thought about it and realized that dumping a bucket of ice on myself was not going to help find a cure for ALS. But neither would NOT dumping an ice bucket on myself. I was going to have to donate. But I was also going to have to get other people to donate too, and what better way to get people’s attention than by dumping a bucket of ice on yourself. Oh my god, it was all coming full circle. I was going to have to both shower myself with cold ice and donate money to the cause. At least I enjoy spending money…
So, I took advice from my girl Cher and went to town. After all, TIS A FAR FAR BETTER THING DOING STUFF FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
I grabbed the largest bucket I could find in my tiny apartment (a mixing bowl), walked up the 3 flights of stairs to my roof (OH THE AGONY OF CLIMBING STAIRS), dumped a bucket of ice on myself…
…and donated to ALS.
All was caught on a really awkward video because I obviously tried to write a script prior to filming and was planning camera angles and special effects, until the iPhone started rolling video and I realized this isn’t college, nor is this a studio, nor is this Hollywood. There is no teleprompter. So I tried to wing it. And it came out awkward. But I had to post it anyway because I wasn’t about to dump another bucket of ice on my head. LIKE HELLOOOOO, I’M A JEW. PURCHASING ANOTHER BAG OF ICE? NOOOONONONOOO I NEED TO SAVE THAT FOR CLOTHES AND SHOES.
I then went back into my apartment and posted the video from my couch, where I have been since I posted said video, refreshing my Facebook newsfeed maybe six thousand times. This has been my exact thought process for the past two hours. Literally nothing else has gone through my head.
- Why is no one liking my video?
- Was it really that bad?
- Oh my god, it was bad.
- Do I look fat?
- I look fat.
- Did I really have to bend over like that?
- Why do my boobs look so big?
- Why is no one liking my video?
- Everyone is liking ___’s video. Why aren’t they liking mine?
- Maybe my video isn’t showing up in people’s news feeds.
- Maybe everyone has blocked me from newsfeed because I have annoyed them too much about blog stuff.
- Okay, that’s probably true.
- That’s definitely true.
- But why is no one liking my video?
- Do I look fat?
- Why am I so awkward?
- Should I take this video down?
- NO I CAN’T TAKE IT DOWN.
- I’VE COME TOO FAR.
- Why are none of the people I nominated doing the challenge yet?
- Why haven’t they liked my video?
- Do they hate me now?
- Was my video mean?
- Am I an asshole?
- WHY DO I EVEN CARE?
- Why am I even still thinking about this?
- I posted this video 2 hours ago.
- Literally everyone is posting the same video.
- Am I as awkward as ___?
- I really need to get off of Facebook.
- Must. stop. refreshing. newsfeed.
- NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE IN 2 SECONDS.
- I also need to stop refreshing Twitter.
- And the comment section calling for nominations for Forbes 100 best sites for women list.
- But why is no one nominating my site for that?
- Well, people have nominated it, but why is no one else?
- People are sharing the link and liking my share asking people to nominate the site, but no one is taking action.
- What is wrong with everyone?
- Does everyone hate me?
- But seriously. Why is no one liking this video?
- I have no friends.
- Wait. I really need to stop thinking about this.
- I. am. over. thinking. this.
- It’s just a video.
- I wonder if ___ who hasn’t seen me in years will watch.
- I wonder if ___ will think I have changed.
- Have I changed?
- OH MY GOD. I NEED TO CLEAN MY APARTMENT.
- I HAVE NOW OFFICIALLY WASTED AN ENTIRE NIGHT REFRESHING MY FACEBOOK NEWSFEED WITH EXTREME ANXIETY.
- Facebook is officially ruining my life.
It’s a FUCKING VIDEO.
This is like engagement ring madness 2.0. No one cares about the MEANING (donating and raising awareness for ALS)… It’s all about how CREATIVE and FUNNY you can get… and how many LIKES you get… and COMMENTS. It’s all about showing how COOL and FUNNY and AWESOME you are… and of course how POPULAR you are when you get nominated by other people. And then how much of a GOOD PERSON you are for giving money to a great cause.
But seriously guys, we need to calm down. I am all for spreading awareness and helping out a great cause, but let’s focus more on the meaning and not try to compete against each other with likes and comments and creativity and goodwill. It only causes extreme anxiety, panic attacks, messy apartments, and massive stress.
Or wait. Maybe this is just happening to me.
Maybe social media is not ruining your life.
Maybe it’s just ruining mine.
Maybe it’s out to get to me.
Maybe it hates me.
Maybe it thinks I’m fat.
Okay. SOCIAL MEDIA IS DEFINITELY 100% RUINING MY LIFE.
(Oh ya, and you can watch my video here. I’m awkward.)
And then if you actually like me, and/or this website, you can nominate Forever Twenty Somethings to be on Forbes list of the 100 Best Websites for Women! It would be an HONOR to be featured on this list, but we can’t do it without you — our readers! To nominate us click here and leave a comment on the article stating why you think Forever Twenty Somethings should be on the list. You can also tweet your nomination to @Forbes using the hashtag #BestSitesForWomen. THANKS AND GO US <3