You Know You’re a Retired College Athlete When…

help squat

Whether you played a Division I or a Division III sport in college, once you graduate four years of undergrad, your athletic career comes to an end (unless you are one in a million that go pro). Just like the NCAA commercials, this is for the 40,000 college athletes that are going pro in something else. Here’s a list of things each of us ex-collegiate athletes can commiserate with.

1. When your alarm goes off in the morning for work, you think you’re late to the weight room and are going to get your ass handed to you on the track.

2. Weight room songs will always be that; reminders of 5am workouts.

3. At the gym, you silently judge the amount of weight the girl/guy next to you is lifting. And you cannot have them lift more than you.

lift bro

4. You become wayyy too competitive at mini golf. It may even cost you a friend or too.

mini golf meme
5. You are the better than all the guys on your co-ed sports team.

6. You “race” your co-workers to the fridge, printer, bathroom, etc.

7. You insist on lifting heavy items all by yourself. And injure yourself by doing so.

8. It kills you inside when someone on your co-ed softball team doesn’t understand what tagging up is.

9. You join a co-ed kickball team and want to schedule practices and post-game strategy huddles. Everyone else just wants to go to the bar to drink.

kickball
10. You have more athletic t-shirts and shorts than you do proper business attire.

11. You still have dreams about the game winning play and nightmares about drills at practice.

12. Your coach telling you to “get your head out of your ass” still haunts you and you think your boss may tell you that next time you “mess up.”

13. Denial of your decline in physical ability.

denial

14. You are sore from yoga. Or just from being on your feet from a work event.

15. You squat to play with your dog or toddlers and it takes a bit too long to stand back up.

16. You compare every real life and work situation to “that time when I played (insert sport) in college.”

17. You make excuses for reasons to not go to the gym i.e. happy hour.

leg day

18. You wish your co-workers and new grown-up friends could understand your inside jokes and made-up words only your teammates will ever understand.

inside joke

19. You finally realize you can’t eat like you used to in college. Or you don’t come to this realization and your pants get a bit too tight….

20. You show off scars and pictures of bruises to impress people.

Alexandra Bimonte

Alex is twenty-four years young and still lives at home with the fam in South FL. She graduated in 2012 from Furman University (yes, she has a shirt with the initials F.U. that makes her feel a little badass) where she graduated Cum Laude in Communication Studies and played DI softball. She still wants to relive her college days of competition and now plays on a co-ed slowpitch team where she is the youngest player. When she’s not working on social media for clients (yes she gets paid to hangout on Facebook and tweet) you can find her at the gym, shopping on her iPad, playing with Maxi or binge watching Mad Men and Walking Dead or the Cooking Channel and attempting new recipes. Key word attempting. She would pick Dunkin Donuts’ coffee over Starbucks and is always early to everything by at least ten minutes. Follow her on Twitter @bmoney2790.

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