Being a girl is hard. Help.
Here are 10 girl problems you probably know pretty well if you’re, like, a girl living in, like, a first world. Not to be confused with a “material world” because this is not a song by Madonna. This is real life in 2016.
1. Being on the end of a picture. Should you skinny-arm? Should you hold your arm straight next to your body? Or would that be awkward? Why can’t you just be in the middle of this picture? [Name of person currently in the middle] would look fine on the end. She weighs, like, 2 pounds. Life is so unfair.
2. Getting bronzer on everything. White headbands. White blazers. White dresses. You can’t win. SORRY I’M A GHOST IRL.
3. Showering… in general. We are not men. We can’t just pop in and out of the shower, throw on some clothes, and head out the door. For us, showers are commitments. You might have to shave. You might have to do your hair. Letting your hair “air dry” means you’re committing to an entire day of wet hair and AHH, that can be scary. Showering is basically a PROCESS. There’s never a good time to shower. EVER.
4. Public bathrooms. Despite what the general public may think, girls do poop. And not just at home in the privacy of their own bathrooms. They may have to go in PUBLIC too. Maybe at work. Maybe at a bar. Maybe at a friend’s. No matter where a girl has to go though, if it’s not at home, it’s a problem.
5. Deciding when to debut a new outfit. Should you wear it to work today, or should you save it for the weekend? Can you wear it to work today and then AGAIN over the weekend? Who are you going to see at work today? Would you see any of the people you see at work today while out over the weekend? Would they even notice? You can’t be caught in the same outfit twice in one week. OH, THE AGONY.
6. Realizing you haven’t shaved your legs in a couple days when getting a pedi. “Oh hello, sorry for the forest.”
7. Debating whether or not to put a bra in your laundry basket. How long will this bra sit in your laundry basket? Will you need the bra before you actually get around to washing it? Should you just not put it in the laundry basket until you’re ready to wash it? Or will you forget it when it comes time? Do you even need to wash this bra yet? I mean, how long can you actually go without washing a bra? Does anyone know?
8. Getting ready to go out. “I’ll be ready in 5!” An hour later… “Sorry I’m late. I was ‘getting ready’.” Getting ready is SO DAMN HARD and always takes longer than you think. I mean, you NEED to take a break (aka sit on your bed scrolling through twitter naked) for a few minutes in between taking off your daytime clothes and getting dressed in your nighttime clothes. And then you have to change a million times. And look at yourself in the mirror from 10 different angles. And maybe take some selfies just to be sure you’ve mastered the art of the outfit. GETTING READY JUST ISN’T EASY FOR US GIRLS, OKAY?
9. Pants. Okay maybe this is just my first world girl problem, but I HATE PANTS. I hate them. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate them. The only pants I am actually okay with are yoga pants. Pants are awful because they are either too tight or too loose. Like SORRY my thighs, hips, and ass do not exactly mirror each other. None of these things are the same size on the average girl. Therefore on the vast majority of us, pants are tight in one area and loose in another. WE CAN’T WIN. If possible, I would wear leggings every day because they understand my body, but then I’d have to deal with leggings haters, who are usually people who don’t understand the pants struggle. And congrats to those people for having proportional body parts where your pants actually fit. ARE YOU ALIENS? Perhaps.
10. Changing seasons. Can you wear white pants after Labor Day? Or would you look like an ass if you wore them? When is it okay to break out your boots? What degrees seperate sandals and boots?!?! There has to be an unwritten rule somewhere. And long sleeve shirts versus cardigans? When do you start wearing your long sleeve shirts again? AND WHAT ABOUT JACKETS? Which jacket do wear at what degrees, if any jacket at all? Life is hard.