1. You live in the greatest county on earth: America
The current outbreak is most widespread in West Africa. Here in the US there have only been two confirmed cases, Thomas E. Duncan of Dallas, RIP, and the nurse that cared for him.
2. You recently cancelled your vacation plans to Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone
Well even if you didn’t, Obama did. Due to the increasing cases in West Africa, the CDC has advised against all “nonessential” travel.
3. It’s not airborne, you can take that mask off bro
Ebola is the result of a RNA (ribonucleic acid) virus and therefore, you must come in contact with infected blood or body fluids to become infected. So do your best to keep your hands out of people’s mouths and by god, don’t touch any poop. Let me reiterate, Ebola is NOT a causal contact-acquired infection and there is no known transmission through coughing or sneezing.
And yes, Cam’ron really made an Ebola mask with his own face on it.
4. Your paranoid, weed-induced, blood shot eyes are not a symptom of Ebola
Ebola does cause internal and external bleeding and your eyes may become red and well, bleed, but stoners across America can breathe a little easier, because guess what, you don’t have Ebola. Unless of course you smoked a West African’s left over joint. Because in that case you are just SOL.
5. Ebola medications are being cooked as we speak
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has not approved any treatments at this time, however, two American health workers in Liberia are currently being treated with a drug that’s still under study. The drug goes by ZMapp and is an experimental, antibody-based medication.
6. Researchers are pulling all-nighters working on a cure
Currently there is no vaccine, however, researchers from the National Institutes of Health report that vaccines in development have been effective at preventing Ebola infections in animals, specifically apes. Apes are taking one for the team on this one, despite their dwindling population and possible extinction. As you can imagine, testing humans is not exactly the best option. I mean, I don’t know about you but I’m not looking to get injected with Ebola and then later see if I become infected or not, so support your local zoo and go hug an ape.
7. You sold your T.I. tickets
This guy must be mental! T.I. is headed to Africa to perform at a music festival.
8. You don’t have Ebola
Let’s recap, YOU ARE NOT AT RISK FOR EBOLA… unless, you stick your manicured finger in infected bodily fluids. So please refrain from doing so, as tempting as it may be.
