Calm Down. You Don’t Have Ebola and Here’s Why

1. You live in the greatest county on earth: America

f-yeah-america--large-msg-130956428987

The current outbreak is most widespread in West Africa. Here in the US there have only been two confirmed cases, Thomas E. Duncan of Dallas, RIP, and the nurse that cared for him.


 

2. You recently cancelled your vacation plans to Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone

download (1)

Well even if you didn’t, Obama did. Due to the increasing cases in West Africa, the CDC has advised against all “nonessential” travel.


 

3. It’s not airborne, you can take that mask off bro

10723703_815561841827804_149395511_n

Ebola is the result of a RNA (ribonucleic acid) virus and therefore, you must come in contact with infected blood or body fluids to become infected. So do your best to keep your hands out of people’s mouths and by god, don’t touch any poop. Let me reiterate, Ebola is NOT a causal contact-acquired infection and there is no known transmission through coughing or sneezing.

And yes, Cam’ron really made an Ebola mask with his own face on it.


 

4. Your paranoid, weed-induced, blood shot eyes are not a symptom of Ebola

miley-bloodshot-1024x1024

Ebola does cause internal and external bleeding and your eyes may become red and well, bleed, but stoners across America can breathe a little easier, because guess what, you don’t have Ebola. Unless of course you smoked a West African’s left over joint. Because in that case you are just SOL.


 

5. Ebola medications are being cooked as we speak

Season_2_promo_pic_4

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has not approved any treatments at this time, however, two American health workers in Liberia are currently being treated with a drug that’s still under study. The drug goes by ZMapp and is an experimental, antibody-based medication.


 

6. Researchers are pulling all-nighters working on a cure

post-1674-129983455663

Currently there is no vaccine, however, researchers from the National Institutes of Health report that vaccines in development have been effective at preventing Ebola infections in animals, specifically apes. Apes are taking one for the team on this one, despite their dwindling population and possible extinction. As you can imagine, testing humans is not exactly the best option. I mean, I don’t know about you but I’m not looking to get injected with Ebola and then later see if I become infected or not, so support your local zoo and go hug an ape.


 

 7. You sold your T.I. tickets 

BET AWARDS '14 - Radio Broadcast Center - Day 1

This guy must be mental! T.I. is headed to Africa to perform at a music festival.


 

8. You don’t have Ebola

Let’s recap, YOU ARE NOT AT RISK FOR EBOLA… unless, you stick your manicured finger in infected bodily fluids. So please refrain from doing so, as tempting as it may be.

ew

Erin Jean

Erin Jean is a Boston based smart mouth who lives in suburbia with her kick-ass husband, yes you read that correctly, I'm a married woman, people! She graduated from Endicott College in 2010 with a degree in Contemporary Journalism. She loves tattoos, writing, and slush (it’s an addiction people). When she is not working for the man, she is riding on the back of motorcycles, online shopping, and reminiscing about her younger years. A typical week consists of watching too much Bad Girls Club, mentally preparing for a zombie apocalypse, and trying to get a body like Mila Kunis (please insert laughter here). Feel free to stalk her life via pictures @mrsbadnews13 or on twitter @erinlissa

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.