When I found out Allison Williams and Christopher Walken were to star in a live version of Peter Pan, I thought to myself, THIS, is why Twitter was invented. Live tweeting it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, in case you were curious on my relationship status.
1. It took me a really long time to figure out who Allison Williams as Peter Pan looked like. And then it hit me. HILLARY SWANK. Which made me wonder, “Petahhh, Petaaahh (British), boy, why ARE you crying?”
2. I was very confused as to why they decided to call their dog Nana. It was very confusing, as I couldn’t not think of the whole scene as if they were talking about their grandmother, which gives the sentence “Nana needs to be punished!” an entirely different meaning.
3. “Oh, NO BIG DEAL, that’s just our maid that we keep in the closet. ANYWAY…” They totally just breezed by this. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one who was slightly confused.
4. ALLISON WILLIAMS CLUCKING LIKE A ROOSTER. If you didn’t watch the 8 second clip of this on Gawker. Please do so.
5. I never realized how cocky Peter Pan was. He was like Kanye cocky. All like “I have fingers AND feet” and “I ran away from home the DAY I was born”. Let me ask you, what did YOU do your first day on earth? Lay there and cry like a BABY?? Yea, that’s what I thought.
6. Tinkerbell is CRAZY JEALOUS. She was all like…
7. I was VERY disappointed that N’Sync didn’t make a cameo at any point. Especially when they were all flying for the first time. Also, did anyone else notice how uncomfortable that kid’s onesie looked? It looked like an invisible giant was danging him by a thread.
8. There is nothing I love more than when evil villains attempt to be tough while simultaneously breaking into a choreographed dance number about how intimidating they are.
9. “Oh, ya know, that awkward moment when you hold your jazz hands a LITTLE too long and the guy who’s trying to murder you stabs you with his hook hand.” I actually lost my shit when she got stabbed. I think it was the most contrived moment I have ever seen on television, or ever, for that matter.
10. The crocodile was easily the most underrated part of the entire production.
11. Lesson on women: When we say we’re fine, WE ARE NOT FINE. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.
12. This pretty much describes every pirate scene…
13. When Allison Williams got all Mel Gibson. “WE ARE YOUNG. WE ARE YOUTH. WE ARE FREEDOM.”
14. 3 hours is very demanding for my attention span. And any human’s. Around 2 hours and 45 minutes into it I realized it was at that point in Titanic where Rose let Jack sink to the bottom of the Atlantic. Just to put things in perspective.
15. I found the Twitter Account “Musical Theater Bro” and it is the best.
WHAT A NIGHT. What. A. Night.