1. You have to make plans in advance. Butttt you mean I can’t wait around until the last minute to see what the best option is?
2. Everyone has a different idea of what they want to do on NYE, so it’s nearly impossibly to get a group of people to commit to something in advance for the night.
3. It costs a ridiculous amount of money to get into effing dive bars. Clubs jump from 0 to 100 for cover charges on NYE, so naturally dive bars go from 0 to 50… or 100… real quick… like Drake.
4. These overpriced places are not going to be different than they are any other weekend night, except that while there that night, the year is going to change. BIG FUCKING DEAL. This happens every year. When will we get over it?
5. If you try to plan a trip, it will most likely fail because everyone has different days off — if any — from work.
6. Once everyone does decide to commit, there will be nothing to commit to because everything will be sold out.
7. If you do end up at a bar or club, you will most likely not get your money’s worth. Open bar? Good luck getting to that bar. Passed apps? They’ll probably be gone by the time you get there. Get there super early for the apps? Have fun being alone at the bar for 2-3 hours. Champagne toast at midnight? ONE SIP GUYS. IT’S, LIKE, ONE SIP. Free party favors? Okay, I have nothing against party favors. Big fan actually. Moving on…
8. We are in our 20s, so no one has a big enough apartment or house to host a party. How were my living spaces bigger in college? This makes no sense. I just want to throw parties again.
9. It is actually impossible to get dinner reservations on NYE. Umm sorry, I didn’t know I was supposed to book my meal A MONTH IN ADVANCE.
10. If you’re a female, you’re supposed to wear sequins for some unknown reason so you buy a ridiculous dress that you’re never going to wear again. Wasting money is fun, right? WHY CAN’T I JUST WEAR YOGA PANTS. I JUST WANT TO WEAR YOGA PANTS.
11. For some reason, you are expected to awkwardly kiss someone at midnight too. And you can’t lie – it’s ALWAYS awkward. Whether its a BF of a million years or some random dude you met that night. First, you have the people who aren’t kissing anyone watching you. And second, you’re forced into this kiss. BUT WHY? Why do you have to kiss at midnight?
12. If you’re single, you have to watch a lot of PDA. And PDA is actually THE WORST.
13. No one knows the real purpose of NYE — is it a holiday that revolves around blacking out at the club or does it revolve around boring people who are in relationships? No one knows.
14. No one even looks good on NYE because everyone is pale and fat. And because of this, no one will want to take pictures. And what’s the point of going out if you’re not going to take pictures? #PicturesOrItDidntHappen
15. And finally, this is a holiday in which you literally count down to the worst time of the year, which is literally NOT OKAY. Oh yay!!! Let’s all celebrate the fact that the holidays are officially over, it’s really fucking cold out, we have to go back to work after this, and there is actually nothing to look forward to for MONTHS now. Yay.
So basically, New Year’s Eve is actually the worst. The only good thing about NYE is champagne, of which I will be drinking all day. DOM P WHERE U AT GURL?