1. I can’t buy the cute workout tanks that have mini “sports bras” connected to them. OMG BUT THOSE BRAS ARE SO CUTE THOOOO. Maybe, like, my nipples could fit in them, as long as they aren’t hard. That’s a whole other story.
2. I have to spend MONEY on sports bras. I can’t just wear any basic sports bra. I have to wear the heavy duty ones, with maybe another sports bra or regular bra underneath. I am a big fan of the “Tata Tamer” from Lululemon… which is significantly more expensive than regular sports bras from, for example, Target. Like SORRY I have big ass tits and can’t wear a bra that lacks padding when I’m going to be jumping up and down like an asshole for an hour.
3. I have to wear a heavy duty sports bra every time I want to do something active. Forget your sports bra at home and don’t find out until you get to the gym? Looks like you’ll have to skip your workout for the day. I’ve had friends with small boobs be like “just go in your regular bra” when I do this (I do this often). Umm, have you seen my breasts? I CAN’T WORKOUT WITH A SPORTS BRA, GOD FRIENDS… YOU’RE SO STUPID.
4. Every time I bend over in a workout class in front of a mirror, my boobs are on full display for everyone. No matter how high cut my shirt is, they always seem to find a way out. Alllllways trying to be the center of attention, those boobs.
5. When I sit close to a table or desk, I rest my boobs on it and probably make people nervous. Do I care? Not really. TABLE FOR 3 (me + my boobs).
6. I can never button the buttons over my boobs when wearing a button-down shirt. It just doesn’t work, unless I buy a gigantic shirt. Gosh, why am I so disproportional?
7. I also can’t wear any “box” dresses. If I did, I’d have to wear a sign saying “I swear I’m not this large you guys.”
8. I cringe when looking back at old pics from high school when I wore shirts with ABERCROMBIE written across the chest. The fuck was wrong with me?
9. All of my bras are black and tan. When it comes to bra shopping, I’m not looking for sexy. I’m looking for comfort and support. I’ll be sexy when I take the bra off. Just look at those things!!
10. I’ve worn out my bras to the point where the underwire comes out and tries to stab me. And I cry when I have to throw said bra out. It’s so hard… to say goodbye… to bras of yesterday…
11. Even if you have a nice ass, you’ll always be the girl with huge tits. And right now, I want to be the girl with the nice ass. Asses are so hot right now. Boobs, not so much. I mean, no one is rapping about boobs.
12. I often have to reach into my bra and cup my breast to pull it back up into my bra. This can get weird, but it doesn’t really phase me anymore.
13. I don’t have this problem, but people with REALLY BIG BOOBS (bigger than mine) always seem to make flannel shirts look slutty AF. In fact, they can make anything look slutty. I’m kind of jeal.
14. I’m going to be “the one” in all the wedding parties I’m in that makes it hard to pick out a dress. UGHHH [big boobed girl name here] won’t look good in a strapless dress. UGHHHHHH [big boobed girl name here] won’t be able to fit her chest into that dress. Sorry I’m not sorry. I’ve got da goodz.
15. Wearing a strapless bra. No thanks.
16. Lying on my stomach. THOSE DAMN BOOBS, ALWAYS GETTING IN THE WAY.
17. Back pain. My back is always trying to murder my body. I say it’s because I hurt it during cheerleading in college, but really it’s because my boobs weigh too much to exist. Sad face.
18. I’m pretty sure I would weigh less if you didn’t have such huge boobs. Like, how much would I weigh if I were a B cup? I’ve always wondered… At least it’s an excuse for why I weigh so much.
19. When I do lose weight, the first place I lose it is my boobs. I just want to lose weight off, you know, my body. Why does this happen?
20. Life basically sucks until I get home and can take my bra off. FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST. THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE ARE FREE AT LAST!