13 Signs You Are ALMOST Healthy

1. You eat really healthy during the day… and you secretly STARVE. Sometimes I feel like Hannah in Girls because I feel like I have to eat every 2 hours or else I will pass out. Not even kidding. But I have to appear healthy. Not eating food is hard guys. It’s also not healthy. But it’s almost healthy, so there’s that.

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2. As soon as you get home from work, you eat everything in sight. You starved yourself all day. You deserve food now. Right? No. Whatever, you’re hungry.

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3. You don’t buy snacks because when you do, you eat ALL the chips. Literally all the chips. A bag of chips? Gone in one day. You have absolutely no self control.

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4. Whenever you go to your parent’s house, you raid their cabinets. You don’t buy snacks for a reason. Because you would raid your own cabinets too. You don’t even care what the food is. You’re so not used to being in the vicinity of snacks, you’ll eat anything. Literally anything.

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5. You swear by 100 calorie bags, but you usually end up eating multiple bags at once. So much for portion control. HUN CAL <3

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6. You believe that eating fro-yo for dinner is healthy. It’s fro-yo… not ice cream. It’s good for you, duh. Wait…

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7. You talk a lot about kale and brussels sprouts, but to be honest you secretly enjoy french fries wayyyyyy more.

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8. You do eat your brussels sprouts though, but the problem is that you eat too many. Like chips, you could eat an entire bag of roasted brussels sprouts, which ultimately makes them no longer healthy.

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9. Being drunk is your excuse to binge eat junk food. You can’t eat that shit sober!!!

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10. You eat really healthy (or at least you try to eat really healthy) during the week, but once 5pm on Friday rolls around all you want is pizza.

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11. You avoid going out to dinner because you have absolutely no self control at restaurants. You coulddddd just get a salad, but let’s be serious – you’re not going to.

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12. When you do order something healthy at a restaurant, you use that as an excuse to eat more food when you get home. 

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13. Whenever you make something healthy, you Instagram it. However, you don’t Instagram the pizza you eat every Friday. Maybe you Instagram some bomb ass truffle fries you get while out to dinner with friends, but you totally make it look like a one time thing. Nobody has to know.

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Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

2 Comments
  1. Hi, I was reading some of your articles on thoughtcatalog — I would really recommend CHANGING your relationship with your body and food — Love your body, and I don’t mean by indulging in fries or pizza everyday or whenever you want it, I mean by indulging in it like 2x, or if you have to, everyday while you also incorporate things like exercise, or yoga, or pilates, or dance, whatever it is that you like to get moving to until you’re doing those things for yourself, and don’t need fries as a crutch.

    Samantha, inside is a strong beautiful woman who doesn’t need other people’s approval if she’s pretty or not, or intelligent, or fashionable, or appears healthy — love yourself. It’s hard going through life if you’re your harshest critic! Make your body something you’re proud of, treat it right by feeding it right, by getting enough sleep, challenge your body mentally, physically and emotionally! Who care what other people think! On you’re death bed you’re not going to be regretting all the times you slipped and ate too many chips, you’ll be regretting that you hated yourself. Say: I am Samantha. I am beautiful and valued. I love myself.

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