100 Thoughts Every Woman Has While Getting Her Nails Done

Getting mani/pedis is a way of life for a female. Especially when spring starts to roll around. You have to keep your nails looking fresh, on your fingers and your toes. To do this without spending a fortune, we head to the local nail salon which are basically all the same every where you go all around the country. The same people work at every salon. The same massaging chairs are in every salon. The same conversations happen in every salon. The same old school TV is in every salon playing either a soap opera or the news. It’s weird, but we all do it.

Last night, I got my nails did and decided to document the process. Based on my “research,” here are 100 thoughts you may have while getting your nails done. Enjoy!

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1. I hope I get someone that speaks good English today.

2. 10 minutes? Ughhh, this is going to be forever.

3. At least I have time to pick my colors!

4. Oh my god, I have no idea what colors I want.

5. This one looks nice!

6. But wait, this one looks nice too!

7. And what about this one!?!?

8. Let me check Pinterest to see what color combination I really want…

9. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh WHAT COLORS SHOULD I CHOOSE?

10. They’re ready for me already?!?! But I didn’t decide on colors yet.

11. Okay, so should I put my feet in the water?

12. Why can’t the water ever be a perfect temperature of WARM?

13. Oh god, they’re talking in a different language.

14. Now they’re laughing.

15. I KNOW MY FEET ARE DISGUSTING. THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER. THIS IS A FACT.

16. What are they saying??????????????

17. What if I spoke Chinese? How would they know?

18. Maybe they aren’t talking about me.

19. She just smiled and asked me a question. I have no idea what she said, but she was nice so that means she wasn’t talking about me.

20. Right?

21. F*CK. I don’t have cash for a tip.

22. Can I leave a tip on my card?

23. Why do I always assume nail salons are old school and don’t accept credit cards?

24. Who carries cash anymore anyway?

25. OH NO, NOT THE FEET SCRATCHER.

26. I fear the feet scratcher.

27. Oh my god that tickles.

28. It also hurts.

29. Help.

30. Leg massage time!

31. Oh shit I forgot to shave.

32. Ouch! Is this still considered a leg massage when you are physically PUNCHING my legs? I don’t get it.

33. AHH, the massaging chair has gone cray.

34. My boobs are all over the place. MAKE THE CHAIR STOP.

35.Wait, so you want my foot back in the water now?

36. No? Yes?

37. I AM SO CONFUSED.

38. That’s a nice color.

39. Or is it? I’m don’t think I like it anymore.

40. Well, it’s too late now.

41. Do I still want this color on my fingers?

42. Oh no, I’m not sure what color I want again.

43. She’s almost done with my toes!

44. How much is this going to cost?

45. Why didn’t I look at the prices before this whole thing started?

46. Should I not get a gel manicure?

47. What about the shellac stuff?

48. Are they the same thing?

49. Does anyone even know?

50. Here come the paper flip flops.

51. Nails time.

52. Should I ask her if she can do a statement nail?

53. What about a fun design?

54. What if they don’t do that here?

55. What if she laughs at me?

56. Oh whatever, I don’t give a fuck.

57. What is she saying?

58. Round or square nails?

59. Round?

60. Sure.

61. What time is it?

62. Ugh I can’t check my phone.

63. I wonder if I have any texts.

64. Or emails.

65. Or Facebook notifications.

66. I’m also hungry.

67. You can’t do anything when you get your nails done.

68. Anxiety.

69. Yasss hand massage.

70. Okay, we are going up my arm.

71. Shit, maybe I should have taken my Fitbit off.

72. And a back massage?!

73. What is happening right now?

74. This is weird, but I also kind of like it.

75. Wait, it’s already over?

76. Oh god, it’s time for color.

77. Am I doing this?

78. I’m doing this.

79. Yup, I’m going to go with this really unique minty green color.

80. You think it’s a pretty color?

81. Do you REALLY think this a pretty color or do you just say that about ALL the nail colors.

82. AHH, that’s not the color I wanted.

83. Don’t panic.

84. It’s just the first coat.

85. Okay, it’s looking better but still meh.

86. Hungry.

87. How does everyone know each other so well here?

88. Am I the only one who doesn’t get my nails done on the reg?

89. Like, how does one have money for mani/pedis multiple times a month?

90. I still can’t believe I’m spending $45 dollars on this.

91. I shouldn’t have got gel.

92. Oh well.

93. OUCH, I think the UV ray gel nail polish dryer machine just burned me.

94. Is this thing even safe? Is it legal?

95. Is it going to give me cancer?

96. I feel like my hands are tanning.

97. I’m done? Already?

98. If any of my nail polish chips I’m going to flip a fucking shit.

99. Next time, I’m going to do this myself. Just kidding, too much effort. I’ll be back.

100. INSTAGRAM TIME!

Samantha Matt

Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still going. My first book, AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME, is coming out in January (you can buy it right now on Amazon or from your fave bookstore!). I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Writing is fun. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @20somethingproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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