What better way to spend your 21st birthday being roasted in front of America. That’s what Justin Bieber decided to do. Kevin Hart hosted the roast which starred Snoop Dogg, Ludacris, Martha Stewart, Chris D’elia, Pete Davidson, Shaquille O’Neal, Natasha Luggero, Jeff Ross, and Hannibal Burress.
The night started off with comedian, Kevin Hart taking a crack at everyone, but by the end of the night, he was roasted more than JB. Justin was introduced by a Gospel Choir and repelled from the ceiling wearing angel wings, but then was dropped.
Of course jokes about people who have been in Justin’s life were mentioned. Selena Gomez got the worst of it being called the unluckiest Selena in the entertainment industry. However Kevin Hart kept it lighthearted and said she couldn’t make it simply because she didn’t want to.
Usher was also a topic, and by the way WHERE WAS HE? “Justin’s ass is like a movie ticket because it was ripped apart by an usher,” from Jeff Ross. Jeff Continued and gave a shout out to Kendall Jenner in the audience, and asked if they met on OK Stupid.
Former NBA star, Shaq, made his comedic debut on this roast and proved himself as a funny man. He started on Snoop Dogg for his reggae album, but his best/saddest joke was stating that he hadn’t seen such a bad lineup since the last Lakers game. Ludacris also made his first attempt at comedy, with a quick comeback at Kevin Hart, stating he was the cake topper man at Ludacris’ recent wedding.
Snoop Dogg? Snoop Cat? Who knows what his name is these days, but Snoop is Snoop and Snoop did the Snoop thang. He first announces that he had been “drankin’ and smokin’” before the roast, as if that wasn’t expected. Everyone pointed out that Justin wasn’t a gangster, but Snoop D-O-double G gave him the label, “DNB”, damn near black. And he also proved what a gangster he truly is with, “That was a fishing joke, I fish mothaf*ckas.” Is there anything Snoop does without being the ultimate G? Which gave him the right to use the N word as many times as he did.
The ladies killed it! Natasha Luggero had the best lineup of jokes. Not only did the girl have jokes, but she had jokes for those jokes. She started by saying with all the rappers on stage, Martha was the one who did the most prison time. She slayed Kevin by talking about how he does all of his own stunts including, climbing onto his chair, climbing out of the bathtub, and going UP on his wife. Bravo, girl. However she took one joke and got four guys, “Kevin has a huge Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris — France is in Europe. Justin, Europe is a continent. Shaq — a continent is not a free breakfast.” For that, she is the champion of this roast.
Of course Lifestyle Expert Martha Stewart gets some love for being a part of this Roast. She handled all of jokes about her jail time, age, and being white very well. Then it was her turn and she threw it all back. She first started with an “African American rich” joke, then pointed out she made brownies with Snoop Dogg like a badass, and concluded with advice for Bieber on being in prison. Many of the men stated they wanted to bang her, can we blame them. She’s MARTHA STEWART.
Ron Burgandy also made a surprise appearance! He did an excellent job at reciting the timeline of Bieber’s (or as Burgandy prounounced it, Biber) criminal record timeline. Ron thinks JB is doing life right. Ron kept making jokes about Mally, the monkey the Biebs left at a zoo in Germany, who showed up at the end of the show!
Bieber took the mic last and got to dish out some jokes back onto the panel of jokers. “What happens when you give a teenager $200 million?” he asked. “You get a bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.” I think that’s a pretty good redemption. After he got all of his jokes out, he spoke about his behavior, and made a pretty damn good apology to the public. “I turned a lot of people off over the past few years, but I know I can still turn out good music and turn everything all around,” he continued, “I’ve lost some of my best qualities. For that, I am sorry.I’m looking forward to being someone who you guys can all look at and be proud of.” Hopefully he can live up to his word and get his act together, we are rooting for you JB! He seems to be a good person who fell down the wrong path for a bit.
But hey, if all else fails, at least he’s got height on Kevin Hart.