1. The T is your arch nemesis. But really. Especially when there is a Red Sox game. Especially if you take the green line.
2. September 1st is not just a date to you. It’s THE WORST. Since Boston runs on college students, 99% of leases in and around the city start on September 1st, right before school starts. On this date, 16 U-Haul trucks will attempt to go down a one-way street at the same time. It’s not okay.
3. If you just graduated college, you most likely live in either Brighton, Allston, Somerville, or Southie. Because college never actually ends when you live in Boston.
4. Later on, you move (or want to move) “more into the city” to places such as Brookline, Cambridge, Back Bay, North End, South End, etc. But you most likely can’t afford it, forcing you to continue living among students for way too long in which you eventually feel like a pedophile slash grandparent.
5. Even though a friend of yours may live in Boston, if they live on the end of a different T line than you, you may as well live in two different states. It’s either a 30 dollar Uber or a 30 million hour T ride. No thanks. See you in 3 months.
6. Your favorite time of year is right after college graduation because THE STUDENTS ARE GONE. Lines at bars are shorter. The T isn’t as crowded. You don’t have to worry about hooking up with a college student at the bar (at least you can think that). Street parking is abundant. It’s basically Christmas, until they come back of course.
7. When you visit NYC or Vegas, you can’t hang because you’re used to a 2am curfew. People stay out past 2am? BUT HOW?
8. Your friends who live in other cities won’t visit you. Especially if they live in NYC. And if they do come, they will be BORED TO DEATH and you’ll be all like…
9. Your biggest nightmare is not being able to find non-residential street parking. Like, sorry I don’t live in this neighborhood. This is probably why your friends from out of town won’t visit you. There is no where for them to park.
10. You have experienced the struggle that is attempting to get a cab or Uber home after a night out in Faneuil Hall. If you don’t leave the bar by 1am, you’re pretty much fucked. I mean, you could just take the T home, but no. You can’t handle the T sober. Why would you want to experience it drunk?
11. The majority of your early-mid 20s is/was spent at “bars with dancing.” That is because a bar with no dancing is boring and a club is too much. You search for this happy medium when you go to other cities, but often fail. For some reason “bars with dancing” have found a home in Boston, MA.
12. You have blacked out at The Harp and Hong Kong in Cambridge. And maybe Blackout-ville — I mean Storyville. And maybe Liquor Store (which is now Stage). And definitely Tequila Rain when you were 21… or 19.
13. You have gone to Lansdowne (and the attached Bills Bar) so much that you just CAN’T anymore. The same goes for basically anywhere and everywhere in or around Faneuil Hall.
14. You cringe at the thought of someone mentioning going to Atlantic Beer Garden/Whiskey Priest on a summer night or Howl at the Moon ever because of the lines. Why? Why is this line so long? You never know.
15. You basically have run out of bars to go to and HATE EVERYTHING. This is why 20-somethings in Boston age faster than 20-somethings in New York City. There is nothing left to do after you leave your early 20s without feeling like Matthew McConaughey in “Dazed and Confused” at the bar.
16. But you still love it. Despite all its flaws, you will always love Boston. You have a home here. You have friends here. And while getting blackout drunk (college style) is sometimes encouraged, so is going home early on weekend nights so that’s good. The only thing you will never be able to love about Boston: The fact that pizza places close at 1am. This is not, and never will be, okay. Why can’t you just stay open until the bars close at 2am? It. makes. no. sense.