Being sarcastic is harder than it looks…
1. Everyone thinks I’m a complete bitch. There’s a difference between bitchiness and sarcasm. There’s some humor behind my sarcasm. I guess the people that I come off as a bitch to are too ignorant to comprehend my sarcasm. Which in that case, I’m most likely using sarcasm as a defense mechanism against your stupidity so I’m not REALLY a bitch.
2. I get into trouble at work. I say what’s on my mind, with dry jokes. I know I am supposed to be happy and friendly, but that’s not me. I don’t mean any harm. Learn to take a joke – work would be more fun that way anyway.
3. When I actually am mad, people don’t take me serious. People think I’m joking when I tell them to stop doing something. And they don’t stop until I’m about to go Hulk Smash or in tears. Learn the difference between my joking and my seriousness, dammit!
4. People always ask me what’s wrong. I know I come off as a negative person, but do I really come off as always pissed? Sarcasm to my brain is like gas to a car, it keeps me going! Sarcasm sometimes brings me happiness.
5. People think I change on them. I’m nicer than normal when I first meet people if I like them. I want to be their friend and want them to like me. I can’t risk them hating me if they know how big of an asshole I actually come across as.
6. I can’t be fake. It’s just not in my blood. I’m sorry. If you’re boring me, I can’t pretend that I am interested. I have other things I need to do with my life. And if I don’t think you’re a good person, please don’t expect me to act like I like you.
7. I can’t just turn it off. Sarcasm is first nature to me. I can’t put a cap on it, I’m fully fluent. Sorry.
8. No one knows what you’re really feeling. I hide behind my sarcasm. There are few people that know me well enough, but it’s hard for me to express my feelings when it’s so much easier to just be sarcastic.
9. Unless I’m pissed, no way of hiding it. My face is an open book. I wish I had control of it, but I don’t.
10. When people want my opinion, they usually get mad at me. Don’t ask for my opinion if you don’t actually want it. As your friend, I’m going to give you my honest advice. Duh. Tough love is a side effect of sarcasm.
11. I’m skeptical of compliments. I feel like when people compliment me, it’s half-assed or they have ulterior motives. Oh my god I love your skirt where did you get it? Yeah, I’m not falling for that one.
12. I also struggle to compliment others. My mouth is negative. Yeah sure I may stare at your dress and admire its beauty, but I probably won’t think to verbalize it and make you feel good about yourself. It’s something I’m working on, but I don’t know if I will ever succeed.
13. At times, I’m the only one that finds myself funny. But I’m okay with that. I’ll gladly be the only one to laugh at myself because you peasants are intelligent enough to get my humor. I know I’m funny.