Christmas was the best thing ever as a kid, wasn’t it? Now it’s full of family interrogations and hazing family members into Fireball shots as early in the day as possible. Let’s take a moment to compare the best day ever as a kid and as a working, mature adult:
As a kid: *gives a list of 87 different toys*
In your 20s: Rent money & cash, thanks.
Going To Bed Early Christmas Eve
As a kid: I don’t wanna, I wanna stay up and see Santa!
In your 20s: I’m going to bed after I finish this bottle of wine.
Leaving Cookies For Santa
As a kid: WE CAN’T FORGET TO LEAVE COOKIES AND MILK!
In your 20s: Can I dip the cookies in wine? Is there alcoholic milk? How does this work with alcohol?
Getting Up Early Christmas Morning
As a kid: *gets up at 6AM*
In your 20s: I’ll see you eventually. Start without me if you need to. Don’t wake me up.
As a kid: *opens everything at once, as quickly as possible*
In your 20s: Give me a drink. Why is this taped so much, why can’t you just put everything in a bag? SO MUCH TAPE.
Getting Ready To See Family
As a kid: Let me wear my new outfits! I want to show everyone this outfit I got!
In your 20s: Do I have to shower? Can I just wear leggings? These leggings are leather; they look nice, done deal.
As a kid: *runs around showing everyone everything they got*
In your 20s: *sits on couch, texts, drinks with cousins, watches sports to avoid mingling*
As a kid: EVERYTHING IS AWESOME! I LOVE EVERYTHING!!
In your 20s: *drinks more*
Gifts from Family
As a kid: This is perfect! Santa or mommy didn’t get it for me, YOU’RE THE BEST!
In your 20s: Cool, thanks for the gift card, really needed more Target cards.
As a kid: I want multiples of everything.
In your 20s: Is this a carb? TBH I don’t care, slap it on the plate.
Watching A Christmas Story
As a kid: I want a Red Ryder!
In your 20s: Who the fuck would actually give their child a gun, what is wrong with people? Yeeezus.
As a kid: Let me be in the front!!!! I wanna be in the front! GET OUT OF MY WAY I WANT THE FRONT, EVERYONE LOOK AT ME.
In your 20s: Uhm, is a duck face acceptable? Fish gape? Soft Smile? I’m tired of photos. Ugh, drink whenever someone says photo. #blackout
As a kid: Don’t leave! Stay here and play with my new toys with me.
In your 20s: Bye. Bye. Bye. Nice to see you too! Love ya! Bye…
Going To Bed After Christmas
As a kid: *throws hissy fit* BUT I DON’T WANNA.
In your 20s: Bye. See you next year… Literally, don’t wake me up till 2016.