7 People No One Misses From College

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We’ve all met a few people during our time in college that we wish we could un-meet. Whatever their flaw, maybe these folks just have a way of getting on your nerves. Here’s a list of 7 types of people who have made us wish the mind-wiping technology in Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind was real. See if any of these ring a bell for you:

1. The Rich Kid

Oh look, it’s Johnny McTrustfund pulling up in his brand new luxury car. Easily identifiable by his large disposable income, Mr. McTrustfund spends his free time partying since he doesn’t need to work like the rest of you poor losers. Johnny is the type of guy to suggest evenly splitting the bill even though all you ordered was water and a grilled cheese from the kids menu. Money doesn’t concern him and he spends it like he can feel it burning a hole in his pocket. Is this cafeteria coffee bitter? Nope…that’s just me.

2. The Wannabe Musician

Rarely seen without their acoustic guitar, The Wannabe can be spotted from a mile away. The quad is their natural habitat and they can almost always be found there playing to groups of easily impressed freshmen. They haven’t bothered to learn more than a few basic chords and staple songs but that won’t stop their incessant playing. “Anyway, here’s ‘Wonderwall.'”

3. The Party Animal

It’s always 5 o’clock somewhere for The Party Animal. Forever smelling like an ashtray swimming in stale beer, this college persona is hard to miss. When they do make it to class they struggle to pay attention, that raging hangover is demanding to be felt and all their energy is devoted to trying not to puke. They wear blackout sunglasses and poor decisions like badges of honor, laughing as they tell everyone how they got their license revoked for their third DUI. Haha yeah bro, that’s hilarious.

4. The Lingerer 

You met this person once or twice and had a passable conversation, now everywhere you turn there they are. They mysteriously turn up at parties you conveniently forgot to invite them to. They’re always hovering nearby like some overly friendly gnat who wants to know what your plans for the weekend are. Relentless in their attempts to win your friendship and become part of your social circle, The Lingerer is well intentioned, but obnoxious.

5. The Sorority Sister

Fully entrenched in the Greek lifestyle, this student only has time for her Alpha-Kappa-Whatever sisters. Frequently found in roaming packs, these personas don’t even need their letters to be recognizable, the air of unapproachability is a distinct indicator. You probably knew them before they committed to their sorority, but you’re practically a stranger to them now. Individually The Sorority Snob can be a good person, but the hivemind created when the group gathers it leaves no room for outsiders.

6. The Financial Wizard

The Financial Wizard is by far one of the most benevolent types you’ll meet in college, but they’re still annoying in their own way. This persona seemingly has their life together and is already investing in commercial real estate or whatever…Robert or whoever you were, I respect you, but I’m still into Netflix and pajamas, and I’m not on your adult-ing level yet. Yes, Netflix, I’m still binge watching this show — stop judging me.

7. The Type A

With color-coded notebooks, hectic study schedules, and a near constant sky-high stress level The Type A is a student who is overly driven. Suggesting a break from homework is akin to asking them if they’d like to drown some puppies, they recoil from the idea, appalled that anyone would dare say such a thing. Wasting time is one of their biggest fears and what others would see as small events are catastrophic to The Type A. Oversleep by 5 minutes? It’s The End of The World and only doom and destruction can follow, failure is imminent. Frequently accused of being a perfectionist, this persona wants to give every task their best and then give a little more.

While everyone’s college experience is unique there are a few shared moments that just seem to be a given, and meeting people we’d rather never talk to again seems to be a nearly universal experience. Though I’m sure we could make an endless list of people we would turn the other way and speed walk away from in public (the star athlete, the frat bro, the faux intellectual) the 7 personas above are without a doubt people that absolutely no one misses.

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