While college was totally fun, and I thought it was the best four years of my life after I graduated for a good 3-4 years, I now realize it wasn’t. It was a good four years. No – it was a GREAT four years. But I’ve changed, and what I enjoy doing has changed. In fact, those things are always changing.
So yeah, college was fun, but I wouldn’t want to go back to that lifestyle. Not a chance. I’m happy working for some dollars, sitting on the couch in yoga pants, and enjoying cocktails in a place where I don’t have to worry that there won’t be toilet paper in the bathroom.
Here are 10 reasons I would never want to go back to college, ever. (23-year-old me would hate me for this)
1. Younger people scare me.
Actually, I think I scare younger people. A couple months ago, a guy at a bar asked me how old I was. I said ’27.’ He said ‘good for you.’ Uhh, okay dude. Because 27-year-olds are so old and shouldn’t be going out anymore? Sigh.
2. I could not seriously sit through a class without blurting out: ‘THIS CLASS IS LITERALLY POINTLESS AND NONE OF THIS IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HELP ME GET A JOB AFTER GRADUATION.‘
3. I don’t think I could physically get myself to go to class knowing how pointless most classes actually are.
I mean, it was hard for me to do this at age 21, so I can’t imagine doing it now.
4. I wouldn’t have time to study or do homework because I am in the middle of watching a lot of shows on Netflix right now.
I went to school for television, but I did not actually watch television at school. I didn’t understand why and how I went to school for television because of this, but then I graduated and I was like OHHHH right, I have an addiction to watching TV.
5. I can’t take the word ‘homework’ seriously anymore because all I think of is a white sheet of paper with math problems like fractions on it.
I actually don’t remember doing homework in college. I don’t know if I didn’t have any, or if I was just black out the whole time and can’t remember. But seriously – was there homework in college or was it just a bunch of tests and papers? I really have no idea.
6. The thought of Spring Break makes me extremely tired.
Actually, watching the Spring Break feed on Snapchat put me to sleep. How are those people partying like that?
7. Crowded bars are one of the worst things in the world and I will no longer go into them.
No, not everyone goes to crowded bars in college, but if you’re a student who goes to bars this is where you go. College bars are generally a bunch of underage and recently of age students standing shoulder to shoulder plotting who will be the star of their next hook up session. I now need my space.
8. I could not go out four nights in a row.
In fact, I struggle going out two nights in a row now. This would be even harder if I had to study and do homework in addition to going out. How did I do it all in college? I will never know.
9. I could not live in squalor.
I need to be in an adult apartment surrounded by adults. No posters. No picture collages. No screaming students partying their way down my street. I need peace and quiet and Home Goods.
10. I need to make money.
I can’t waste my time paying to go from class to the gym to practice to the bar. I need to actually make money to afford the lifestyle I have grown accustom to. And that lifestyle does not include a week-long black out, I mean college.