In less than one month, I will be 28. I am in my late twenties. I’ve never been one to really fear aging, as so many of my dear friends do, but as I approach my birthday, there are a number of thoughts running through my head, and I’ve decided to share them here with you. Here are 28 of them …
1. Well, Jen, another year older, another year wiser. That’s what they say, isn’t it?
2. I wonder who came up with that phrase?
3. Probably someone old and insecure.
4. I suppose I could Google it – but I would much rather sit and pontificate rather than just find the answer.
5. Is my desire to NOT Google it a sign of how old I am?
6. Is my use of the word pontificate a sign of how old I am?
7. Seriously. Calm down. I’m not THAT old. Think about it… Lady Gaga just turned 30 and she’s fabulous. Sandra Bullock is over 50 and she’s incredible.
8. Ugh…Sandra Bullock is over 50 and looks better than me at 28.
9. I hope I look that great when I’m 50.
10. OMG – I AM MORE THAN HALFWAY TO 50!
11. May as well start looking for a fancy award winning nursing home now – you old geezer.
12. Ugh nursing homes are so expensive…
13. Seriously, how do people afford to live in nursing homes????
14. Is that why my sister-in-law says I’m responsible for her Dad when the times comes?
15. That bitch!
16. Just kidding, I love her.
17. Really, though, daycare is equally expensive.
18. Gosh, I need to have more kids soon. I wanted to be done by the time I was 30.
19. But toddlers are so crazy… do I really want another one right now?
20. See, this is how I know I’m old, I’m talking about reproducing a SECOND time.
21. But babies are so cute, you know you want more.
22. I need to stop acting like I ever really plan anything like that anyway.
23. Speaking of planning – or not planning – I should plan something fun for my birthday.
24. Mimosa me, Batman!
25. Christian Bale really was the worst Batman.
26. And Tom Hardy is great, but Bane was the worst, too.
28. Yup. I’m old. Excuse me while I go drink some prune juice or partake in another old person stereotypical activity.