When I was 23, I wrote this blog post titled ‘What Happened To All My Friends?‘. At the time, I was struggling to adjust to the adult world where my friends weren’t living within a five minute walk from me and weren’t always available to hang out. I was upset that my friends and I ‘didn’t go out like we used to’ and thought it was the end of the world if I stayed in one night over the weekend. I was clearly delusional.
Four years later, I’m still wondering what happened to all my friends. But not the ones I was wondering about 4 years ago. The ones who were by my side 4 years ago, because many of them have disappeared now too.
Lately, I’ve felt like a boring adult who never has anything to do, and I’m nervous that four years from now it’s only going to be worse. Like, am I going to look back on this article and think, ‘Omg, I had so many friends and such an exciting social life at 27!! Why did I think I didn’t?!’ I hope not.
I knew it was inevitable that I would lose touch with friends in my 20s. I had an abnormal amount of friends when I graduated college and with life getting busier and busier, there was no way I would be able to cater to all of them forever. But as I’ve lost touch with people over the years, I can’t help think so many of the friend breakups were due to the dumbest reasons ever. I’ve watched other people lose friends for ridiculous reasons too.
I know you’re *supposed* to lose friends over the years, but what if we stopped using this as an excuse for ALL lost friendships? Friendships are a type of relationship after all. They involve effort. And we should be willing to put in the work in order to have people we love around forever.
Here are 7 reasons friends break up in their 20s that could be stopped with a little effort, love, and care.
1. One of you still loves to party, while one of you is totally over it.
If the friendship is worth it, make an effort to catch up over coffee, meet for dinner after work, or go on a hike over the weekend. Life isn’t all about how you spend Saturday night (and/or the occasional Wednesday night). There’s more to life than just going out, so why not share different parts of your life with different people?
2. One of you moved away, while one of you stayed put.
Sure, long distance relationships suck. Mostly because the urge to have sex is real, and if your partner is gone too long, you may feel like getting your D (or P) wet elsewhere. But friendships aren’t like that! A great friendship is one where you can go without seeing each other or talking for a long time and feel like *nothing has changed* when you are together again. You’ll never know if you and your faraway friend have that type of relationship unless you try, so give it a go.
3. One of you moved to the suburbs, while one of you stayed in the city.
Don’t cut someone out of your life because they live a different lifestyle than you. I hear so many people associate moving to the suburbs with ‘becoming boring,’ but everyone prefers different things. Where you live should never affect your friendship, especially if you’re within train/bus/driving distance from one another.
4. One of you is single, while one of you is not.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with friends anymore. It doesn’t mean you have to roll with your S/O every single place you go. In fact, if that IS something you do, there’s your reason you may be breaking up with friends — and it’s not a stupid reason. Taken people should be able to hang out with single people (with and without their significant other) no problem.
5. One of you is married and/or has baby fever, while one of you does not understand that lifestyle at all.
Being at different stages in life doesn’t mean your friendship has to end. Look at this situation as something that is exciting. You now have a peak into a different world without having to actually enter it. Sounds like a friendship perk to me.
6. One of you dates a guy, while one of you can’t stand that guy.
Disliking your friends bae (can I still say that? could I ever say that?) doesn’t mean you have to dislike your friend too. If you love your friend, be happy that they’re happy. Suck it up. Be nice to their man. Have fun with your friend. It’s better than losing someone you love, right?
7. One of you is mad that the other one never texts them, while the other one is mad that their friend never texts them either.
Yes, friendships work both ways. But if neither party is putting in effort, this isn’t anyone’s fault. You can’t be mad at someone for not reaching out to you if you’re not reaching out to them. Take a moment from your busy life and try to make plans with people. If they don’t reciprocate, then you’ll know the friendship isn’t meant to be, but you won’t know unless you put in effort.