A Guide To MTV’s 2016 VMA Nominees, Because You’re Too Old To Know Who They Are

onstage during the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards at Microsoft Theater on August 30, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Another year, another VMA’S. Only one music award show has such a penchant for drama. I’m sure the 2016 VMA’s will follow this trend as well and will not disappoint.

Most of the nominees are artists that I grew up listening to and others I worship like a religion (I’m looking at you, Bey). I’m sure these same celebrities will stroll through the night looking so glamorous I can’t help but feel like poor little orphan Annie.

While scrolling through the list of nominees I came across a category that has me feeling completely ancient and uncool: the ‘artists to watch’ category.

I’m not ashamed to admit I had no idea who the hell any of this people were BUT I am too proud to ask for help. So, based on one google image search and my knack for storytelling I’ve come up with my very own character profiles that I think are preettyyy accurate.

And the nominees are…


Bryson Tiller

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What do we know about Bryson?

  • He is sexy
  • He hangs out with Drake
  • His latest tweet reads “aye, keep it thick” which also happens to be my life motto.

In reality, Bryson Tiller is an American singer, songwriter and rapper from Kentucky. His debut album, “T R A P S O U L” was released last October and his break-out single “Don’t” was originally released on soundcloud before it gained massive media attention that led to his record deal. As well as being nominated for “Best New Artist”, Bryson is also nominated for “Best Male Video” and “Best Hip-Hop Video” at this years VMA’s.

 

Desiigner

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  • Panda supporter.
  • Made a song you couldn’t escape if you tried your hardest.
  • Knows how to accessorize.
  • 97% sure his name is the result of a typo.
  • In conclusion, this guy is a bad speller BUT a great samaritan.. PANDA PANDA PANDA.

Desiigner (actual name Sidney Royel Selby III) is a 19 year-old hip-hop recording artist from New York. He says his musical style is influenced by Southern trap music and his debut single, “Panda” reached #1 on the US Billboard Hot 100. As well as being nominated for “Best New Artist”, he is also up for “Best Hip-Hop Video” at this years VMA’s.

 

Zara Larsson

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  • Is either 10 or 30 years old. It is IMPOSSIBLE to tell from her photos.
  • Looks way too cool for me to hang out with, like I wouldn’t be allowed to sit at her lunch table and I honestly wouldn’t hold a grudge.

In reality, Zara Larsson is an 18 year old Swedish singer and song writer who came first place in the Swedish version of “Got Talent”.

 

Lukas Graham

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  • Super profesh name, TBH.
  • He looks like an adult baby. Is he 13 growing his first wispy moustache or is he 45 and reliving his youth? I don’t know!!
  • He looks like the guy who sings the One Tree Hill theme song so I’m just going to assume his music sounds exactly the same.

Actually, Lukas Graham is a Danish pop-soul band comprising lead singer Lukas Forchhammer, drummer Mark Falgren, bassist Magnus Larsson, and keyboardist Morten Ristorp.

Their second album was released in 2015 and earned international attention with singles like “Mama Said” and “7 Years”, the latter of which peaked at number 2 on the Billboard Hot 100 list.

 

DNCE

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  • Alright, Is this another typo? You can tell me.
  • Okay I’m just gonna rename them DANCE.
  • They seem to be trying every trend at the same time. Aiming to please.
  • Joe Jonas is in this?
  • They sing “Cake by the Ocean” which I think is really bad advice, but that’s probably because I don’t understand the hidden sexual innuendo because I’m SO OLD.

But seriously, DNCE is an American pop rock band. The group consists of members Joe Jonas, Jack Lawless, Cole Whittle, and JinJoo Lee.

The group signed with Republic Records, who released their debut single “Cake by the Ocean” in 2015. The song had success in various territories, reaching number 9 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.Their debut album is expected to be released in late August.


 

I think I was pretty spot on with my initial observations. I will not be watching the VMA’s live since I am a 20-something who lives on their own which means I obviously don’t have cable.

For all of those lucky ducks that are still living with their parents, happy viewing 🙂

Shay-Gavin

We're two friends from the East Coast of Canada - Shay and Gavin. Recently, our careers and personal life choices have brought us to opposite sides of the country. In a desperate attempt to constantly keep in touch, we've decided to become writing partners; half in an attempt to make each other laugh, but also to relate to others our age. Shay graduated from McGill in 2012 with a degree in Psychology. Her hobbies include: drinking beer, frolicking in nature, and trying to tame her jaguar-sized cat. Find her on Instagram: shenyseforest Gavin graduated from Dalhousie in 2013 with a degree in Health Promotion. Her hobbies include painting, music and laughing at nonsense. Find her on Instagram: gavinimagined To read more, visit our personal blog! http://ourcasuallyobsesseduniverse.wordpress.com

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