Well, you guys, we have officially made it to another Thanksgiving Eve. You know, the night that flyers at bars claim to be the “biggest party night of the YEAR!” And you know what, those flyers might be true. In college, we came home as functioning alcoholics to reunite with our friends for a short time so we had to cram all our drinking to one weekend – and yes, weekends started on Wednesday back then. AFTER college, we were able to go out to the local townie bar as veteran functioning alcoholics on TGE, and because of the awkward encounters at the bar, we all drank way too much and collectively blacked out together.
But while Thanksgiving Eve will forever be the night before Thanksgiving, it can’t be the biggest party night forever. I mean, 20-somethings in general can’t party forever. Or they CAN. But in different ways.
What I’m trying to say is… there comes a point where you need to stop going out for Thanksgiving Eve. Is that time here for you? Here are 9 signs it most definitely is, because sorry, but you are getting old AF.
1. You’ve been out of high school for 9 years
You don’t want to be that group of friends that are still loitering around your hometown’s watering hole, do you? I mean it’s been nine years, maybe this is the year you just stay home and drink yourself into oblivion?
2. You only talk to three people from your graduating class
So, say you decide to go.. do you really want to fill Joe Blow and Jane Pain(killer) all about the last nine years of your life. I mean that’s what the 10 year reunion is for right? Ugh, 10 years!
3. Your little sister isn’t even going
Your sister is 24 so it would be socially acceptable for her to go out on Thanksgiving Eve and she’s even opting out. I mean, come on you stink of desperation and boxed wine.
4. You don’t even know where people hang out anymore
Do you really want to have to stalk the class of 2010 on Facebook to find out what bar is hip and happening in no man’s land, southeastern Massachusetts? We all know your stalking skills on Facebook are impeccable but it seems like such a waste of your talent.
5. You’d rather enjoy your holiday meal than puke it up
I mean when you were 21 it was cute when you were puking up your mom’s turkey and stuffing but at 26, not so much. Not to mention hangovers now-a-days are rough, like three days rough and you have work on Friday.
6. Kids you used to babysit will be there… drinking
This one is pretty self explanatory.
7. You pluck your gray hairs at least once a week
This the universe telling you that you are too old to go out on Thanksgiving Eve.
8. You traditionally go to bed by 9pm on Wednesdays
How would you even swing staying up late enough to drink with all the youngsters? They don’t even go out until 10:30 or 11.
9. You are reading this, wondering if it applies to you
Yes, yes, it does.