Do you do *things* on a daily basis? Or what about “stuff”, huh? You into that too? Because we’re theoretically “adults” now, we’re forced to fill our days with things and other stuff. You know, things that take a while, things that require planning, things that’ll happen over the weekend, or happen all of a sudden.


Pardon my French, but doing things is just the worst, guys. Sincerely. And when stuff and things are the worst, what do we then do?—we put them off. That’s right. Procrastination is America’s weapon to preserve the now. The ancient Socratic saying, “Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow” rings true in the hearts of all who’d rather not… So if you get that red-blooded American urge to “not and say you did,” why not take the high road for once, and make your procrastination productive. Below you’ll find a list of several ways to fill your time productively while you avoid doing things…

1. Doing the dishes. According to notes left to me by my roommates–they don’t do themselves.

doing the dishes

2. Dust. Much like poking people on Facebook, dusting apparently is still a thing! Yeah, really! And it’s not just something detectives and maids do to pass the time–anyone can do it!


3. Do your laundry. Sure you have to deal with softeners, detergents, bleaches, baskets, bags, quarters, and, you know, all the laundry you have to do, but hey, its better than other things.


4. Register to vote. Quit putting off being a patriot and poll up. REAL voting

5. Compress your closet. If you’re feeling overburdened and want an escape via procrastinate, go through your closet and nix the clothes you never wear. After all, how many flannels can one wardrobe hold? Get rid of some. With less in your closet, you’ll have less in your life, which, in turn, is less of a burden.

organizing closet

6. Try a new food. This is your chance to order Seamless. Who knows, maybe a side of bread rolls comes with your Egyptian cuisine.

Wheres My Food

7. Take a shower. They do say cleanliness is godliness. Even god procrastinated one day this week.


8. Exercise. If you’re running away from the responsibility of doing something, why not make it a pun and go for a jog.


9. Embrace a fandom. There is a time to start watching “Sherlock” and it’s now. All the seasons are on Netflix, you have no excuse.

time to be

10. Change a light bulb or two. Put off the job hunt for a day and really re-watt your living space. Your future may be looking brighter after.

light bulb

11. See what all this “flossing” is about.


12. Bake something. Everybody loves a guy or gal with a tray of cookies. If you bake cookies and share them with your friends, neighbors, co-workers etc, people will like you. Even if they don’t like your cookies, they’ll respect you for the thought, and that counts. That boost in self-esteem will be all you need to power your productivity later when you actually need to be doing things.


13. Give to charity. You are now a better person by not doing things. This is procrastination giving back to the society.


14. Read a timeless classic. I could get a jump start on this research project, but I think I should really start reading “War and Peace” now while I’ve got the time.

reading a classic

15. Look out your window. Take in the sights, you know? Clear the mind. Why look, you’ve got streets, street lamps, street signs, street lights, a mugging…

looking out window

16. Call 911 to report a mugging.


17. Call your mom, bro. She really, really wants to hear from you.

call your mom

18. Date something. Well, if you’re not going to do anything, why not see what all this Tinder fuss is about.


19. Watch a Civil War documentary. Your dad would want you to.

watching civil war

20. Seasonalize your home décor. After all, it’s November, a time to fill your life and living room with turkeys, pilgrim hats, squashes, and football!


21. Toe the line between adolescence and adulthood by fixing something around the house instead of just dealing with it for chance.

fixing things

22. Write a letter. Think of how fun it will be! Writing a letter with a pen and paper, how vintage! You could sit by a rainy window, think dramatic, subtly British thoughts, write them all down, then send ’em out!

pen pal

23. Whip up your own meal. Sadly, this activity does not involve Seamless, but will give you a chance to be in and around food. Always a good thing.

making dinner

24. Prank a roommate. A true sign of friendship is the ability to put said friends in physical harm for the sake of a laugh in their own expense.


25. Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. By procrastinating this way, you’re literally saving the world. Good for you. Good for us.


26. Drink more water. It’s easy, and refreshing.

drink water

27. Get a jump start on your holiday shopping. It will give you an excuse to get out of the house and out of the environment you’re avoiding. Or you prefer the couch, amazon always has their mobile app.

real shopping

29. Win an argument. All I’m asking is for you to barge into your roommate’s room unannounced and dig up ancient history. You can use all that new material you came up with in the shower after your last fight.

winning arguments

30. Just do the things and the stuff you’re avoiding. It’ll give you time to procrastinate later.


Since graduating from the University of Dayton, Mary has used her hard-earned education in becoming quite the dabbler in her twenties. She self-identifies as a writer, stand-up comedian, book repair specialist, mug collector, nanny, dancer, video editor, dog-walker, rugby player, and budding over-sharer. When she isn't defending the sanctity of boxed wine, she is usually out for a run against her will, or hitting up the dollar cinema for the latest indie comedy. Her favorite things are: Hogwarts, big dogs who think they're lap dogs, bare feet on a rainy day, Stephan Colbert, and comedic timing. If you want to find out what Mary's eating, or hear a far-fetched pun or six, follow her on Twitter @WrestleCrow or Instagram @wrestlecrow.

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