Think of everyone who you consider a “friend.” This includes the people you find yourself drinking with on the weekend and going out to eat with during the week. Do you like all of these people? Probably not. Ever heard of friend-no-one-likes? Yeah, they’re everywhere. Actually, they could be a different person for everyone due to an evil mastermind who is secretly trying to turn everyone against each other (it happens).

Okay, so why are we friends with people we don’t like?

They are “friends” with your friends. For some reason, your real friends actually like these people… and although you have no idea why, you don’t question it because you don’t want to risk pissing off the very few people you actually enjoy. Sometimes you attempt to hint at the fact that ugh, these people kind of suck – but until you get a negative remark from your friend, no life shitting can happen. These are the types of people who you would never call up and ask if they want to go shopping with you (alone)… or go out to dinner with you (alone). These people are used as extras to make it appear like you have a large group of friends when you go out on the weekend, when in reality – you don’t.

They are “fun.” We all have the fun friends… You know the ones that you could never see yourself being really good friends with and telling them your secrets – but they are great to have around when you go out on the weekend (especially if you’re single) and when you are feeling spontaneous, energetic, and/or need a good laugh. The “fun friends” are usually super hot and attract people of the opposite sex for you, so when you are around them you have more contact to future hookups/prospective lovers without having to lift a finger.  These “fun friends” are the people who you wouldn’t look after at the bar and force them to leave with you when you’re going home for the night – they’re the people you leave at the bar, regardless of knowing if they’re okay or not. I mean, they’re “fun” … so they can figure out their way home. Plus, they are a little too crazy for you. And if you really liked them, you would be making sure they’re okay. (SO when someone leaves you at a bar you should probably re-evaluate your friendship with them — unless everyone is black out drunk. That is a good excuse.)

The “Extras.” The people you actually like are not always going to be around. And if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you can’t just hang out with them all the time. And if you don’t have a bf/gf, you are definitely going to rely on “the extras.” The extras are simply your extra friends. You could definitely live without them, but in the time being, you are desperate for someone to go out with. If the very few people you like are all busy one day, who is going to go to beach with you? Who is going to go shopping with you? Who is going to join you for a night of mayhem at the bars? Of course, if you are an extreme bitch, you can go to the beach/shopping/etc by yourself – but you definitely can’t go out drinking alone. That, my friends, is social suicide (and a bad case of alcoholism). There were definitely many more “extras” around when you were in college, so now that you’re not- it’s time to find some new ones! 😉

You can shit on the people you actually like to them. Everyone should have at least one person they share all of their true feelings with… But if we’re all going to be super honest there, that like isn’t possible. That’s like (maybe) your mom. You might have that one person you share “everything” with, but you don’t share your negative feelings of them with them. Maybe one day they’re pissing you off. If you’re a bitch, maybe you will tell them — and hey — if you have at least person you can tell ev-ery-thing to, consider yourself lucky! Anyway, not everyone is that lucky. So you’re going to need various people you can shit on people to and be confident that 1. they feel the same way and 2. they aren’t going to tell them. Soon, you will come to find, that secretly everyone hates each other. So you might not actually like these people… but what you do like is that you have the same feelings about other people!

They have money to do cool things — or have a cool job. These people buy you and your “friends” rounds of shots, kegs of beer, and party buses – and do not make you pay a cent for it. WHY would we ever lose these people as friends? It could go even as far as they have awesome clothes and shoes you can’t afford — in your size — and they let you borrow them. They might have a ridiculously awesome job, and can in the future help you to also have a ridiculously awesome job. Wait – so why don’t we like these people? 1. We’re jealous 2. We have to find something about everyone to complain about and 3. They might be annoying.

How pathetic are people today? Very. Of course, the top 5 points are totally blown out of proportion — or are they not? Why don’t you stop lying to yourself and be the judge, Twenty Somethings. After all, its much better to have a few good friends rather than a whole lot of “extras.”


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

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