FOMO, or the fear of missing out, is something that all of us have dealt with at some point in our lives. The thought of your friends having fun without you is too much to handle, and you end up going out even though you have a huge presentation to give at 8am the next morning. Was it worth it? Debatable.

1. Netflix and wine > boys.

For a lot of single girls, going out is done with the goal of finding a man. I’ve realized, though, that the older I get the more I have put my trust in Netflix and a good Riesling. Why spend hours getting dressed up when the only thing I ever bring home are French fries covered in ranch dressing? Unless I could find a boy to cover in ranch dressing….

2. You are in a serious relationship with your bed.

I have to be honest here; I spend a pretty good chunk of time in my bed. If I’m at home that is usually where you’ll find me. Reading, studying, writing—it’s all done there. My mattress is the holy grail of comfort and I spent the last 22 years of my life perfecting the ideal pillow placement. Not to mention my ceiling fan, which supplies just enough airflow around my room to keep it comfortable, not windy. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yes…it takes a lot to get me to leave my bed.

3. You can’t stand the hangover.

Just one question, when did I become an old woman who gets a hangover after 2 drinks? I have too many things to do tomorrow to deal with a headache and regrets.

4. Relaxing > raging.

College bars are noisy, dirty, and by the end of the night I’ve usually lost my voice from screaming over the music. Sometimes you need to kick back with a few friends and avoid the strangers trying to dry-hump you on the dance floor. There are nights when you need to drink Long Islands while getting down and dirty to T-Pain, and there are nights when you need to drink a beer on your porch, listen to Summer Hits of the 90s Pandora, and go to bed at 10pm.

5. You really have no desire to put pants on.

Need I say more?


Hillary Bautch is a Wisconsin girl living in Boston, where she can often be found double-fisting cups of coffee. She takes pleasure in making other people feel awkward and purposely does weird stuff so she can write about it later. Hillary enjoys eating pizza, watching other people fall down on ice skates, and complaining about how much she wants a dog. Follow her random musings and sarcastic rants at @hillarybautch.

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