50 Thoughts I Had While Watching “50 Shades of Grey”

1. Did I seriously buy $12 tickets to do this by myself?
2. (as other people are walking in) Yes, yes I did.
3. I hope it’s not sold out!
4. Oh, I’m the first one here.
5. This is embarrassing.
6. Let’s look at Facebook reviews!
7. People can be so judgmental, don’t they understand this is a love story, not one about domestic abuse?? Read the book people!
8. I hope this isn’t disappointing.
9. People are finally coming in, so far it’s just gaggles of fat women.
10. And 2 dads.
11. The movie theatre is still pretty empty.
12. 5 minutes until it begins!
13. Now it’s full, on a Sunday afternoon. Glad I have a good seat!
14. I know why I’m here, I guess no one else here has a life either.
15. Yes it’s starting!
16. I should have brought snacks.
17. Or wine.
18. First preview looks good! I’d consider going to it in the future.
19. Second isn’t bad either.
20. Third is okay.
21. We’re on the 5th preview and I’m bored.
22. Sixth preview…
23. Now there are too many previous, I’m losing faith in the movie.
24. Anddddddd, I’m still watching previews.
25. MOVIE IS STARTING!
26. Gray clouds showing the 50 Shades title, predictable.
27. Jamie Dornan is trying really hard to cover his Irish accent.
28. Enough of the small talk already!
29. I thought the actor playing Elliot would be hotter.
30. Dakota Johnson has some serious balls.
31. Mr. Grey will see you now…. oooooohhhhhhh!!
32. This is pretty okay.
33. Not impressed.
34. The book is way better.
35. Dakota’s comedic timing is way on point!
36. No butt fisting?
37. “What’s a butt plug?” I totally lol’ed
38. I wish I was reading this, not seeing it.
39. Jamie’s character is pretty boring actually.
40. We saw a LOT of Dakota and NONE of Jamie! WTF?
41. I just checked my watch.
42. For what it’s worth, this is actually kind of boring.
43. Oh the spanking scene, it’s almost over!
44. I kinda wish I was the chick in this scene…
45. And, she’s leaving now.
46. This tore on my heart strings way more in the book.
47. Bye Dakota!
48. Wait, that’s it?
49. Well, I guess this was okay.
50. I’m gonna drink wine alone in my house and fantasize about how I wish this movie actually was.

See if you want. It was alright.