Congratulations on successfully making it through the holidays without killing any family members.  Or…if you did happen to kill a family member, where are you reading this from, Litchfield?!  Either way, the holidays that require you to spend time eating and pretending to care about your family are finally over, and now a night of senseless, drunken debauchery is upon us all – NEW YEAR’S EVE.

There’s a good chance most of us are #tooold for a true shitshow of an NYE, and will ring in the new year in front of a TV with a few close friends instead of popping bottles of champagne up in the club.  Regardless of what you end up doing (which is a struggle in itself to decide), New Year’s Eve is always a great time to reflect on the past year and set goals for the upcoming one.

I usually think New Year’s resolutions are ridiculous, because they’re generally so far fetched they become fruitless and laughable by January 15.  As an adult, I would like to think I can adhere to a goal or a plan better than the resolutions of my youth (“lower the drinking age to 15” “legalize the murder of idiots” “ban the movie ‘Titanic,”) and I’ve henceforth compiled a list of resolutions all 20-somethings should make – and stick to.

1. I will realistically make an effort to keep in touch with my long – distance friends.
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This isn’t a hard one, it’s just a conscious choice to stay involved in someone’s life.  It really isn’t hard to send someone a Facebook message saying hello; let’s be honest, you’ve been FB stalking your college roomie for months anyway.

2. I will try to be a LITTLE bit healthier.
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No, you don’t have to join CrossFit and turn into an asshole, but you should be aware that with each passing year, your metabolism will inevitably slow.  Learning how to take care of yourself doesn’t have to be a total lifestyle overhaul, but deciding to get a side salad instead of French Fries 3/5 times won’t KILL you.

3. I will drink more like an adult.
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No, I definitely don’t mean “I will drink in moderation.”  I simply mean that maybe, just maybe, it’s time to calm down with the Long Island Iced Tea’s and learn how to drink a martini like a grown up.  Yes, Jello shots are fun, but I think 2015 is as good of a time as ever to step away from the Bill Cosby associations and step closer to learning to swallow single malt.

4. I will try to pursue my passions more.
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You don’t necessarily need to quit your job and go all “Eat, Pray, Love,” but it wouldn’t hurt to get back into a hobby you used to have.  Work is tiring, and stressful, and time is basically non existent.  I’m still working on how to manage my time, but I’ve found I’m a lot happier when I carve out a little bit of space in the week for something I truly ENJOY as opposed to something I HAVE to do.

5. I will learn to live more in the moment, and less on the Internet.
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As much as we LOVE social media, it can be a bit much.  Instead of updating your Facebook status with your whereabouts and then taking a picture to prove it to your friends on Instagram, and THEN sending a Tweet to let everyone know how much fun your having before capping it off with a Snapchat of you sitting by the pool, why not just go swimming?  A lot of 20-somethings have an obvious disconnect from the world they’re IN because they’re too busy with the digital world.  I think all of us should try to spend more time with the friends sitting next to us at dinner instead of sending pictures to our Snapchat friends.  When was the last time anyone had an actual conversation?

6. I will let go of the past.
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You will drive yourself INSANE stressing over things from last year; the job you didn’t get, the first date you messed up, the fight you had with your mom.  At the end of the day, the best thing to do is move into a new year with a clear head and a positive outlook.  If you really feel like there are ends to be tied up, say what needs to be said and move on.  There is no sense carrying baggage around.

7. I will stop comparing myself to my Facebook friends.
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I never used to feel panicked about getting married or having kids until I started getting wine drunk and scrolling through my Facebook news feed, and I know I’m not the only girl in her 20’s who has felt like that.  At the end of the day, I think it’s important to realize everyone is going at their own pace, and you should get married and have kids because you WANT to, not just because you feel as if you SHOULD be doing that.

8. I will be fair to myself when it comes to dating.
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It’s time to stop texting that douche bag ex boyfriend, and it’s time to stop going on second and third dates with idiots who you knew weren’t worth a damn after the first date.  It’s time to stop frustrating yourself over the dead end friends with benefits situation you have going on.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is take some time for yourself and learn how to be alone.  And if being alone isn’t your thing, it’s time to be realistic about your wants and needs in a relationship.  I mean, you’re a #GROWNASSWOMAN, treat yourself like one and stop dealing with morons.



After graduating from Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizadry, and realizing her degree in The History of Magic was hardly applicable in any employable realm, Alex decided to stop doing acid and actually get a BA in English. A comedy writer living in Brooklyn, NY, Alex enjoys stalking ex-boyfriends, drinking coffee, plotting ways to meet Suri Cruise, and drinking cheap wine out of an over priced Crate and Barrel glass. Follow her on Twitter if you're entertained by hot messes @Alex_Engelbert.

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