I am Liz and I have a monotone. (Hi Liz.) I’m not sure how this happened, maybe because I didn’t do theater as a kid or because I was shy AF and avoided talking to people in the first place. It’s a tough world out there for us monotonous speakers.

1. People use words like “deadpan” or “emotionless” to describe your demeanor. I have feelings, damnit. I just don’t have them in my voice.


2. People compare you to Daria, April from Parks and Rec, or other famous monotonous characters. My dad calls me Dahlia, from Suburgatory. Anyone?


3. Your friends aren’t sure if you’re actually excited about something. Excited, mad, could care less, it’s all the same.


4. You have perfected the resting bitch face because it goes perfectly with your voice. Serious shade. All the time.


5. People you date don’t know if you like them. That flirty, high-pitched voice? You don’t have it, and won’t even try.


6. You’ve been told you’re “hard to read.” I prefer “mysterious.”


7. People do impressions of you. Cool, haven’t heard that before. *Eye roll.*


8. You think it’s weird when people have those singsong-y voices. Because that seems impossible.


9. Writing this post and realizing April Ludgate gifs summarize everything. Because she is perfect and totally GIF-able.




Liz Witter is a 2011 graduate of St. Bonaventure University where she majored in broadcast journalism with a (useless) minor in French. She is originally from Rochester, NY but moved to Boston for a job...then another job. She spends her free time sleeping, going to Sephora or doing crafts. She plays volleyball recreationally and refuses to believe she peaked in high school. She’ll take Tim Hortons over Dunkin, and Wegmans over basically anything. You can follow her on Twitter at @lwitta6.

Write A Comment