IT’S HERE. IT’S HERE.
Well, not the ‘dislike button’ we were all hoping for…
…but instead they released some reaction emojis which are, like, kind of way better.
Now I can laugh at you (whether I’m laughing with you or at you will remain unknown). I can cry at you. I can give you some love. I can act super surprised at your announcements. And I can give you an angry face, which is basically the equivalent of the dislike button.
Here are 10 things you’ll be getting angry faces at now from me. Sorry not sorry (is it too late to say that now?).
1. An engagement announcement that I actually just don’t like. Let’s be honest. Maybe no one dislikes your decision to tie the knot, but chances are the majority of people you’re friends with on Facebook don’t actually give a shit. They’re just liking to like, just like you’re liking to like. And then, of course, there are those people sitting at home rolling their eyes remembering how you just cheated on this person last week — and now people can DISLIKE your happy news? Things are about to get really real people. I can’t wait.
2. The 150th status about a wedding I am not attending. Okay, we get it. You’re getting married. So are a lot of other people. A few pictures here and there, fine. A few updates every so often, okay. But an intense update ALL THE TIME EVERY DAY? Not only do more than 3/4ths of your friends not care, but you’re leaving absolutely no mystery for the big day. Your pre-school classmate knows your floral arrangement, your bridal party, and the name of the band playing at cocktail hour. Literally, this is not okay.
3. An ultra sound. I’m not even at the point where I am into looking at pictures at babies. How do you expect me to be into a black and white photo that looks like it is part of those creativity tests we had to take in elementary school? I figure I’ll be into babies in a few years, just like a few years ago I figured I’d be into wedding dresses one day. So… I guess wedding dresses equal babies in growing up milestones. But not ultra sounds. Show those to your close friends and family, unless there’s something funny about it I guess. I just don’t get them, unless you’re my close friend or family member. Maybe we should have a Facebook for close friends or family? Wasn’t that it’s original mission? Sigh.
4. Someone’s 16th post-workout selfie of the month. I love working out and eating healthy (okay, I don’t love it, but I have been forcing myself to pretend for years) and I love when other people work out and eat healthy too (because you know the struggle). And you know what — when you hit a crazy fitness milestone, I love when people celebrate that too. But the everyday look-at-me-after-my-run post that happens every day, what’s the point? It’s not like you’re making me feel bad about myself, because I’m working out too (except when I skip my workout and glue myself to the couch with Nutella and Netflix, because that is real). So you know what? I’m going to start to dislike your shit if you keep it up. WATCH OUT YOU SWEATY AVERAGE PERSON.
5. Any promotion for some random diet plan that may or may not involve a sketchy pill and/or shake. I love your ambition and desire to make bank on the side of your day job, but I don’t like you pushing this random shit at me. I’m not going to purchase anything from you because it’s SKETCHY AS FUCK. Stop now or angry face will come at you ALL DAY.
6. Anything about politics. I might not understand politics, but I understand that you expressing your political beliefs on social media – rant or no rant – is unnecessary. So, whether I side with you or not (or have no idea whether I side with you or not), I’m going to dislike your shit because when you post controversial prompts, you’re pretty much asking for it.
7. Any post I saw on Instagram already… and didn’t like. I already chose not to like this photo on Instagram, and now I’m seeing it on Facebook? It’s like random friend overload. Stop over promoting your self (I could read this advice as a PSA to myself but I’ll never stop. At least I admit it. Angry face me all you want. ANY ENGAGEMENT IS GOOD ENGAGEMENT <– and I mean ‘social media engagement’ not ‘getting married’ engagement).
8. A vague, emotional, angry status about… well, no one knows… from someone I have talked to maybe once or twice in my life. THIS ISN’T AIM CIRCA 2005. THIS IS FACEBOOK CIRCA 2015. WE ARE OLD. GROW UP.
9. A humble brag that seems way too be happy to be from a legit happy person. If you have to constantly humble brag on the Internet, chances are you’re probably not so psyched about your life IRL. Searching for likes and attention is a sign of NOT ACTUALLY LIKING YOUR LIFE. Seriously. Take it from me, I would know. I am an attention seeking queen.
10. A random MEME someone shared via some a random Facebook page. “Bye Felicia.” I have literally never said that before. Is that even still cool to say? No? Sorry.
