I’ve never been a fan of ‘The Bachelorette,’ ‘The Bachelor,’ or any other reality show in general. Friends are always shocked to hear that, no, I do not watch Bravo and, no, I do not know who that housewife is you speak of. The only reality show I sometimes watch in the background of doing anything else (because that’s what reality TV is for right?) is Shark Tank — and then maybe the Kardashians, but I haven’t put that on in a while, and when I do it’s only to fangirl over how ridiculously good looking Kylie Jenner is and figure out how I, too, can be ridiculously good looking just like her.

A few months ago, I decided to say “fuck it” and find out what the hell was so awesome about ABC’s famous dating game show. At first, I didn’t understand. It was just a bunch of douche bags in one room, and it seemed staged, scripted, and fake. Some people you could tell were there for the fame, and others were there to add ‘diversity’ to the cast. Like, are you going to tell me that the girl who clearly wanted an athlete with a comb over, was like, ‘Yeah sure, I’ll dabble in ALL SORTS OF GUYS even though I DEFINITELY HAVE A TYPE. Maybe that type could change though, lol I doubt it, but yeah, bring on the men!’

The show literally drags out for weeks where the person looking for love says goodbye to everyone that was selected for all reasons other than ‘we actually think this person could be a good fit for you.’ Then, we’re left watching someone choose between a small group of people WHO LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME while crying literally the whole time.

What struck me as nuts was when I realized that JoJo was not just choosing a guy to try and love. She was choosing a fiance. Like, wtf. You’re going to tell me that the point of this show is for someone, in just a few weeks, to find a lifelong partner?A best friend? A soulmate?

I’m sorry, but it takes a lot longer than a few weeks to know if a relationship is a good idea with someone, never mind a MARRIAGE. These people who get engaged at the end of each show have never even exclusively dated. Like, the whole time they’ve been seeing other people (re: fucking, unless they’re, like, abstinent). Obviously, these people are not ready to get engaged. Have they met each other’s friends? Have they really spent time with each other’s families? And not just one meet up where it’s like, ‘Hey mom, meet this guy I met on TV, isn’t he cool? Okay, now meet another guy I met on TV! Isn’t he also cool?” I mean, how do you know someone is the one when you were just with someone else a few minutes before?

The show would make much more sense if at the end of each show the couples decided to try DATING EACH OTHER instead of GETTING MARRIED. Planning a wedding adds so much unnecessary stress to couples anyway. Imagine how much stress it adds to these couples who are probably stressed out enough about the fact that they just started dating each other. These people barely know each other and are clueless as to if they’ll fit into each other’s REAL lives, because being a cast member on a reality show is not real life. These people have jobs and lives outside of the show, right?

‘The Bachelor’ and ‘The Bachelorette’ literally set couples up to fail. Obviously not every relationship is going to work out. Obviously not ever marriage is going to work out. So when you force two people to start exclusively dating and also be engaged at the same time, there is a pretty good chance the relationship is not going to work out. This is science, people. The small percentage of the ones that do work out are the rare exception.

So instead of rolling your eyes about this season’s newly engaged couple, and every other failed‘The Bachelor’ and ‘The Bachelorette’  relationship, remember that they literally just started dating. If every couple got married and stayed together after falling in lust and deciding to date, this show and the culture of dating and relationships in general wouldn’t exist.

In conclusion:‘The Bachelor’ and ‘The Bachelorette’ is a really fucking stupid franchise, but 98% of America is also really fucking stupid (re: election 2016), so that’s life I guess. Will I watch another season of this madness? I don’t know. Maybe in the background of doing things like refreshing Facebook, eating Halo Top ice cream, and dreaming up excuses as to why I can’t work out tomorrow. But I do hope they consider changing the point of the show to, like, you know, starting a relationship instead of GETTING ENGAGED. That shit is – and will always be – absolutely nuts. Take it slow. What’s the rush?! That’s all from me for now. Bye!


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

Write A Comment