Life was pretty boring in the ’90s. We didn’t have Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. We didn’t even have emojis. We kind of had email later on in the decade, but signing on to AOL was suchhhh a process, so we had to find other things than Internet-related stuff to waste our time doing.
So in 1995, when my life consisted of either watching Nickelodeon in real time or playing outside with neighborhood kids, I became obsessed with beanie babies, as did every other adolescent and parent ever.
I needed to have them all. Chocolate the Moose, Patti the Platypus, Pounce the Cat, Inch the Worm, even Princess and Garcia — the two extremely expensive, sought after balls of beans.
See me and a friend play with our beanie babies here:
Even though the craze wore off as the ’90s came to an end and we started to become more interested in that whole Internet thing, I still held onto my beanie babies AKA they are trapped in the attic in a box collecting dust. One did come out post-90s when I decided to be a unicorn beanie baby for Halloween in 2009, though. My mom literally mailed me Mystic the Unicorn to use as inspiration for my costume. I brought Mystic to the bar. I don’t think she made it home. *Mystic: On The Run*
Notice Mystic on my right shoulder. Eek.
Beanie Babies were a weird obsession, but like I said, life before technology was weird. If you were obsessed like me, here are 7 things you probably know to be true, too, other than life in the ’90s being super odd.
1. In the ’90s, you were under the impression that your collection of beanie babies determined your social status.
Until you got older and realized it was all just a lie created by corporate America to get you to spend money on a bunch of bean-filled stuffed animals with their own names, birthdays, and poems.
2. People were gross and unhealthy in the ’90s because Teenie Beanies made McDonalds and fast food cool.
I mean, so did Monopoly, but do you remember the length of the drive through lines when Teenie Beanie Babies were being handed out with happy meals?! It was like waiting for a ride at Disney World.
3. But gaining weight was okay if you were doing it for Teenie Beanie Babies.
Hi, can I please have 1-5 happy meals please? *must get all the teenie beanie babies* *i swear i’m not just here for the french fries* *okay, maybe i am* *cue awkward, chubby years*
4. MySpace wasn’t the first website you were addicted to — It was Ty.com.
I remember spending hours on Ty.com and compulsively shaking if I didn’t get to check the site at least five times a day. This was a slow fade into what would later become a terrible, horrible addiction to checking Internet things every 2-3 seconds. But going back to Ty.com, why was I so addicted to it? Like, what was so special about this site? Did I make friends in the website forums? I don’t even remember.
5. Princess Diana (and Garcia) had to be showcased in a glass box, unlike the rest of your beanie babies, which were all thrown together in their own bin.
Or maybe this was just me? For some reason, on top of the desk in my bedroom, next to my 600 participation trophies because God help us entitled ’90s kids, Princess Diana stood in a glass box. This was a way for me to say ‘look how special I am’ to all the other kids who entered my bedroom without having to actually say it. Unfortunately, after the beanie baby craze wore off and I grew up and went to middle school and high school and then college, I realized I wasn’t actually special. Damn trophies and beanie babies (and furbies and devil sticks and abercrombie and fitch). Anyway, what I was trying to say: limited edition beanies were special AF, and if your parents didn’t want to waste money on them, that totally sucked for you.
6. Even though people always say beanie babies are worth soooo much money now, you know that’s not true.
You can put anything on eBay for a certain amount of money. It doesn’t mean anyone is going to buy it. I mean SERIOUSLY. Why the FUCK would anyone want to buy someone’s old beanie baby in 2016??? WHY?!?! Let’s all just accept the fact these things are worth nothing now and move on.
7. There is a small chance that a new wave of beanie babies will become trendy again, like chokers and jelly sandals.
Like I said – a small chance, or at least we can hope. *fingers crossed emoji here*
RIP.
