For some reason, bridesmaids have to complain. Even if there is nothing to complain about, they will complain about that because WEDDINGS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE EASY, DUH.
The complaining probably stems from the fact that as a bridesmaid, you are asked to pay money to be a maid who cannot look as good as the bride. You are basically asked to be the ugly step sister in Cinderella, except if you lose your shoes the bride will rip your face off so don’t do that.
As a bride, the last thing you should do is try to plan your wedding around keeping your bridesmaids happy. If they’re good friends, they’ll weep as you stroll down the aisle, but up until that point they’re going to complain their faces off. You just won’t know it.
If your bridesmaids aren’t complaining, chances are your wedding won’t be very memorable. Since there will be no low points, the high points won’t be as high. They say you need the lows to feel the highs in life — and when it comes to weddings, that can’t be any more true.
I haven’t been a bridesmaid enough times to speak from experience, but I speak from the experience of hearing other bridesmaids complain. Here are all the things bridesmaids will always complain about, no matter how much money they don’t have to spend on your big day.
1. The other bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids will complain about not knowing the other bridesmaids, not being good enough friends with the other bridesmaids, the tone of emails sent by other bridesmaids, the income of the other bridesmaids if it’s not in line with theirs, the list goes on. Even if all the bridesmaids are friends, they will side text one another bitching about one or all of the other girls. LADIES WILL BE LADIES.
2. The dress.
Usually, bridesmaids complain about the cost of the dress, but they complain about other things too. The length of the dress. The material of the dress, especially depending on the time of year they have to wear it. The top of the dress. The amount of alterations that will have to go into the dress and the cost of that. Even if the bridesmaids get to pick out and purchase their own dresses, they will complain about the other dresses the bridemaids pick out. Did so-and-so spend way less money than you? Complain. Did so-and-so spend way too much money on their dress, maybe more than the bride did on her dress? Complain. There is SO much to complain about when it comes to the dress.
3. The bachelorette party.
You can’t win here because when you get a bunch of ladies together, they’re all going to have a different idea of what fun is. Fun for some is spending a ton of money and eating a bomb ass dinner at a celebrity-approved restaurant. Fun for others is staying in and playing games in yoga pants. Fun for others is getting black out drunk and being the most annoying group ever to take the town. When it comes to group activities, it’s better to have everyone complaining about some stuff, but happy with other stuff. If one person is genuinely happy about everything, then you’ve found yourself a Taylor Swift, except she is probably a hologram and therefore doesn’t actually exist.
4. Having to use vacation days for anything involving the wedding.
Whether it’s traveling for the bridal shower, taking time to partake in a lengthy 4-5 day bachelorette party, or actually going to the wedding because it was cheaper to have it on a weekday, people are going to complain. They want to use vacation days on their time — not yours. Sadly, once wedding madness begins, taking vacation days for yourself will be a rare occurrence for the rest of your working life unless you opt in for not having children. Oh well.
5. All the other weddings happening around this wedding.
Bridesmaids say they would be able to dish more on your bachelorette party and spend more time crafting DIY decor for your big day if they weren’t doing the same thing for THREE+ OTHER WEDDINGS AT THE SAME TIME. Brides treat their weddings like professors treated their classes in college — like they were the only thing going on in your life at the time. But they aren’t.
6. Something about the bridal shower.
Does anyone actually enjoy bridal showers other than grandparents? No? Okay.
7. The time of year of the wedding.
Ughhhhhh a summer wedding, it’s going to be so hot. Ughhhhhh a holiday weekend wedding, I wanted to go on my own vacation. Ughhhhhh a fall wedding, it’s probably going to rain. Ughhhhhh a winter wedding, I hate doing things during winter. You can’t win. Sorry.
8. The cost of the hotel you have to stay at for the wedding.
If it’s cheap, your bridesmaids will complain that it’s not nice enough. But if it’s expensive, your bridesmaids will complain that you are literally the most inconsiderate person in the world. Like, they’ve already spent all this money on your big day and now this? Who are you? Ugh.
9. The breakfast or lack-off breakfast after the wedding.
If you don’t have one people will be like, what do we do? Just go home? What kind of weekend-long event is this? But then if you do have one people will be like, ughhhhh do I have to go to this breakfast? I am hungover and I just want to go home. I was with these people all of last night. UGH WHEN DOES IT END? People suck, it’s official.
See – bridesmaids are the worst. But they’re also the best. Despite all the complaining, they love you very much or else they would never say ‘yes’ when asked to put up with all of this. For bridesmaids, the complaining is worth the tear-induced events which are 1. watching you marry the love of your life and 2. throwing up the next morning because they’re too hungover to *live.* The only rule when it comes to complaining for bridesmaids: Never let the bride know you’re doing it. Ever.