1. Have sex on the quiet floor of the library.

2. Get blacked out and wake up in an unfamiliar place.

3. Take ten shots in ten minutes.

4. Take a test without studying for it.

5. Meet up with the people you talked to online all Summer and feel extremely awkward doing so.

6. Go out on a weekday night and then go to class at 8am the next morning.

7. Get drunk before class.

8. Play a drinking game at a frat house and then streak around the house if you lose.

9. Refer to everyone by their orientation dates.

10. Walk into a random house with 30 other people while drinking mixed drinks out of plastic bottles.

11. Funnel four beers in five minutes.

12. Hook up with four different people in the same night.

13. Use your fake ID to get into the nearest shit bar that will let you in and order pitchers of beer all night.

14. Dance on a table, bar, or anything higher than ground level, with your hands in the air pointing at the crowded party-goers below you.

15. Drunk dial your parents and tell them you are lost.

16. Hook up with someone you’ve never spoken to before, but is in one of your classes.

17. Go to a foam party dressed inappropriately.

18. Forget to wear underwear to class.

19. Sleep through the next fire alarm.

20. Try everything in the dining hall… French fries, grab and go lunch, the ice cream bar, the waffles on Sunday morning, etc.

21. Make out with someone of the same sex in the middle of a room at a crowded party or bar.

22. Do a keg stand or a gargoyle.

23. Get caught drinking by public safety and have a meeting with the RD a few days later persuading them that you are NOT an alcoholic.

24. Use the gym as social hour and scope out all the hotties that you are too afraid to talk to when sober.

25. Order pizza, dp dough, wings over ___, or ice cream on a regular basis and then ask yourself how you gained 15 pounds this semester.

26. Play pranks on the floor above you.

27. Shower with your underwear on while drunk.

28. Get stuck in an elevator with someone you hooked up last weekend… and their significant other.

29. Fall for someone who has absolutely no romantic interest in you.

30. Run out of the money on your student ID before the end of each semester.

31. Sexile someone at least once.

32. Drink goldschlagger and then immediately vomit it back up in the nearest trashcan.

33. Become outraged that you didn’t get into any classes you wanted during registration.

34. Defriend everyone from first semester and orientation that you haven’t spoken to in months.

35. Cry hysterically when you have to go home in May, write annoying Facebook statuses about it, and tweet how many days you have until it’s back to school all Summer long.


Hi I’m Sam. I made this website in 2011 and it’s still here! I'm the author of the humorous self-help book AVERAGE IS THE NEW AWESOME. I like pizza, French fries, barre, spin, more pizza, more French fries, and buying clothes. Follow me on twitter & Instagram at @samanthamatt1... and on this site's meme account on IG at @averagepeopleproblems. OKAY GREAT THANKS BYE.

1 Comment

  1. 36. Get kicked out of a frat house by tumbling down their long and winding staircase
    37. Go to a frat formal. Enough said.
    38. Try a psychedelic drug.

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