There was a time when you could wake up several minutes before Art History 101, throw on a pair of sweatpants that had not been washed since the Lincoln Administration, put on a sweatshirt, cover your grease filled hair with that sick Dragon Ball Z hat and walk into class 15 minutes late. Your prof was still reeling from his hangover and recent divorce so he did not notice the stench you dragged into class; nor did the rest of the class because, well that was college, but now that college has come and gone along with that nasty staff infection it is time to dump gasoline on those beloved sweatpants and step into the “real world.”

In college it was excepted for guys to wear the same outfit for weeks at a time. People did not make a stink when you entered the class smelling like diapers (see what I did there?). College was a blur of dingy grey clothing and UGG Boots; it was a time of comfort and happiness, sort of like Narnia. Now, it is a time of slacks, wingtip shoes, collard shirts and feathered hair. I am not opposed to this new look, but it is the fact that we can no longer wake up and get ready in 10 seconds. We have to take the time to choose our outfit for the day furthermore we must spend our once Natty Ice money on ties.

Well, for those of you who are moving on to the real world I have decided to help you out. Here are five hot style tips that are sure to help you climb the corporate ladder:

  1. Put gel in your hair.
  2. Rollerblading to work will lower your carbon footprint and attract potential partners.
  3. Socks with sandals is back (trust me).
  4. Emo is back. Head to the nearest Hot Topic, NOW!
  5. Briefcases are so 1998; it is the year of discount food store plastic bags. If you have been keeping up on the GQ Buzz -and I trust that you have been- briefcases are no longer as trendy as they once were. Get down to your local Wal-mart, K-Mart or Aldi and grab a handful of bags to be the talk of the office. If you show up sporting a Rainbow Foods bag you might as well go right ahead and kick your own a**.

So there you have it, another heartfelt post by a widely unknown writer. I have spend a lot of time checking and rechecking my sources (double checking?) so you can be sure this is air tight information. Be sure to give your sweatpants a proper goodbye, they got you through every season of Gossip Girl.



  1. I hope he is not kidding about the plastic bags. I just filled one plastic bag with several hundred other plastic bags. I have a good feeling that I am going to lose my virginity with this stunt.

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